A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband stopped having sex with after I turned 40. He told me that men with not want to have sex with me because of my age. He tells me that I am beautiful with a sexy body and a tight hole and I do not look like I am In my mid 40’s and I have been getting there is no way you are in your 40’s. My husband said, women who are in their 20’ and 30’s are better in bed because they are dumb and naïve and they can easily be controlled in bed. My husband loves to be forceful and he likes to toss me around and tell me to do this or that and women who are under 40 looks more like a little girl then a woman who is in her 40’s because we are starting to look like our mother and grandma’sHe is afraid he might break a bone and I might start to smell like an old lady.For years now I have not had sex and I want sex but I look at myself and now I feel as I am a whale since I gained 10 pounds and he is right my body is starting to look like an old grandma. I wish I had lots of money so I can have some work done on me to turn myself into a beautiful younger woman as that will never happen. He told me that find a rich old man who would take me under his wing and he will never spend a penny on me because i am too old. I told him idc because I am busy looking for a sex machine, So, since I am too old to get a hot warm man to want to have sex with a grandma old lady but does anyone know where I can find a good sex machine that makes the loudest sound with a male voice since he moved into the spare bedroom. I could have the machine on quite mode but turn the volume up on the guy while i am getting laid by a machine, I wonder what the nursing home folks would say when I get my room of me booking up that machine 3 or 6 times a day? I would have to have my private room.Is 40 really too old to have sex? Why is it ok for men who are over 60 ok to have sex with girls under 40 years old but women who are over 40 they are too old? If a man over 40 is having sex with a woman next 40 he must be paying for her sex.? Because why else would a young lady want to have sex with a man in his 40’-60’s not unless he had a fat healthy piece of meat that could keep it up and not get worn out and then and only then would it be free. My last question why is it that I am not good enough to have sex with a man at my age and do you men really think women who are in their 40’s are nasty old smelly fish?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2022): Your husband is an idiot, that's the long and short of it. He is bullying and manipulating you with some seriously warped views. AND he clearly has no respect for you.
A 'Tight Hole?' Is that REALLY a term a loving husband would ever use to describe his wife? DO NOT let him talk to you like that, DO NOT put up with his manipulation. You can honestly do so much better than this degenerate.
To answer your question, is 40 really too old to have sex? No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I am 42, my husband is also 42, we've been together for 5 years and I can hand on heart say my sex life has never been better. Of course being childless is a big help but we do it at least 5 times a week without fail. When I look back on my relationships in my late teens, twenties and thirties I can honestly say I was nowhere near as sexually active as I am now. Take it from me, 40 is only the START.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2022): In our 40's we went at it almost every day. I'm 70, he's 73 -- we just did it. Twice a week usually. a slow BJ on rainy days -- Too much info?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2022): There are definitely upsides to having sex after 40. you naturally start to feel less insecure in the bedroom. You don’t have some work done on yourself to turn myself into a beautiful woman . just work on what you can do. you need to understand the power of clothing and style. be very aware of the non-verbal cues and communication clothing makes. make deliberate style statements and carefully craft statement of choice. show your shape, not your skin. Learn the powerful and confident unspoken statement made by leaving more to the imagination. skim the sexy curves of your body. maximize the power of undergarments. know that choosing the proper fitting undergarments can change the shape of their bodies. The right bra lifts and separates, shapewear nips, tucks, smoothes and allows clothing to glide across their body. lingerie is something you can wear to make you feel sexy. I don't equate being single with wearing granny pants or being in a relationship with lace and thigh highs. Starting your day off wearing something sensual gives you an extra boost of confidence, only for you. It's like starting your day with a secret. And, when you have a man, sure, he'll absolutely love it too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): I don't exactly know why your husband says such cruel ugly things to you, unless it's his way of hiding the fact he can't maintain a full erection anymore; so he wants to project his male impotence onto you as a woman. In other words, it's your own fault; instead of the fact he has a limp noodle, and he can't get it up anymore.
I would suppose a man who could speak to his wife like that doesn't really have feelings for her. It has to come from a very dark place that you would make your spouse feel worthless, unattractive, and unloved.
It's not you, it's HIM!!! He is either hiding the fact he is masturbating too much to porn, he is a covert homosexual, he has erectile-disfunction, maybe having an affair; or he is a very nasty cold-hearted man full of darkness and meanness. I would suggest all of the above. My suggestion he is homosexual is strictly speculative; so don't go jumping to unfounded conclusions, but your description of his behavior is often due the other possibilities that I've mentioned above. Odd he would compare the sexual-appeal of a grown-woman in her 20's to that of a "child." How is that a turn-on to a mentally-sound grown-man??? He doesn't speak for all men, he speaks for himself.
No age is too old to have sex. Madam, you are 40 years old, and you've lived long enough to know that! If you can read, having lived 40 years of life, you have to have come across articles and other published material about sex and aging. You have a mother and grandmother like everybody else. You've been around other older women, and you have to have picked-up some knowledge of what life is at 40 and over for a woman. Do your research. Talk to your doctors.
You are at the peak of your sexuality; and your husband has probably plateaued at his. If his libido has dived, that's a matter he should discuss with his doctor to determine what can be done about it; not denigrate his wife to the point she believes she is useless at the age of 40. To be flat-out and bluntly honest with you, I can't see how you would even believe such words? You'd have to have the naivete of a child to allow someone to convince you such blatantly obvious bull manure!!!
Do you actually believe such trash, or are you fishing for sympathy?
The problem is, you hate aging so much you're willing to believe even the worst anybody could say about it. Aging is inevitable. It started from the time you were an embryo. Aging is a fact of life, happens to everyone born and didn't die at birth. People actually enjoy sex into their 80's and beyond, if they're healthy enough. Recent medical studies show that testosterone levels in men doesn't necessarily drop in their 30's as previously believed. It's an individual thing. Some fellows may need some help from Cialis or Viagra; and some women need a prescribed-medication (or hormonal therapy) to help to boost their lowered-libido, due to side-effects from medication or other medical reasons. Many people enjoy sex long into their old-age, believe or not.
If you want sex at 40, isn't that proof enough that what your husband said is a disgusting pile of fecal matter? Your libido, or sex-drive, probably outmatches his! Hence, he has invented an excuse; and obviously, you've fallen for it. I'm just skeptical you're that naive.
He has obviously made himself an excuse for not wanting sex with you; but it's not you, the problem lies with him. Your weight and 40 year-old physique isn't really the problem, it's probably your marriage over-all. I don't think a man who talks to his wife like that treats her with love and kindness. I would be forced to assume you've stayed with him; probably because you fear being alone, and he has convinced you that he is the only person on the planet who could bring himself to tolerate your presence. I don't know what to say, if you are convinced enough to believe whatever he has been telling you. I really don't!
I am not going to advocate cheating on your husband, when the better remedy would either be marriage-counseling, or a divorce. DC is often just a stopover to clear the conscience of people who are contemplating cheating, or having an affair. They just want to take a survey of opinions pro and con. Then they'll go do what they were going to do regardless of any advice against it.
We're not here to tell people what to do anyway. We try to provoke thought, educate, comfort, and prevent self-destruction committed by people who have lost hope. We try to counter cynicism and bitterness; because that's what happens to people who lose hope in life and humanity. As a Christian, I know there's no hope without Jesus; but that's not a popular suggestion to those who prefer not to believe. The suggestion stands on it's own merit, take-it or leave-it. If you can believe every word your mean husband says to you, an offering of hope through the Lord shouldn't be too hard to swallow. Pray on it, see what happens. If you are a total unbeliever, forget I ever mentioned it. It doesn't matter, good advice never goes to waste or gets ignored. There's always somebody out there who will use it. I'll get blessed just for putting in a good-word for Jesus Christ. He has always been there for me. My faith is in Him, and only His opinion matters; because only He can decide what happens to me for all eternity. I don't care what people think of me. God tells me I must love and be good to them in spite of their ways; so I will. That's why I'm here. I'm not being mean, for the sake of being mean; but I will speak truthfully and frankly, when the situation calls for it. I'm not always right, I sometimes miss the mark. I do it with good-intentions, and absent of malice.
You need to do some reading and research to educate yourself beyond the insults and lies you're being told by a cruel-hearted narcissistic anus. If 10 extra pounds bothers you; then discipline yourself enough to lose it. You put it there, and you can take it off. You can also leave it there. You're not helpless. Stop letting one man tell you what you're worth. News flash! Self-esteem is home-grown and self-maintained. You do not depend on other human beings to tell you what you're good for, and what you're worth. They are just as susceptible to aging, ill-health, or total ignorance; and anything else life or nature can throw at you, as you are!
Now look at your husband. I mean from head to toe. Is he God's gift to women? Is he the epitome of manhood, and the world's greatest specimen of human-maleness? If only we could see some the the boyfriends and husbands of the women who write to DC about men like your husband. They are usually homely potbellied less-than-average-looking menfolk; who probably couldn't win a beauty contest against a two-headed toad! Not to insult your taste in men; but if he was ever attracted to you, you must have had something going for you. Don't forget, he didn't just choose you...you chose him!!! Now all of a sudden, you're good for nothing; because HE says so. Come on!!!
I've never known anyone who died of horniness. I guess you'll have to sit it out until it passes. Your husband has moved out of the bedroom, and put you out to pasture. Consider moving him out of the house altogether. He apparently sees no further use for you. Once he's gone, you can start a new life. Meanwhile, do some reading about female anatomy, aging, and rebuilding your self-esteem. I also recommend that you catch-up with your age. You're a little too mature to be so naive as to believe everything your husband tells you. Who made him an expert on female-aging and sex-appeal???
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Age doesn't make us ugly, it's the darkness inside you that makes you ugly. Beauty is not an attribute only seen in our youth. It is not restricted to our appearance. It is a gift given to anyone and everyone who is a child of God. Wicked-people have made beauty something you lust after, not something that flows from within you as it was intended. Our sex-appeal and youth fades; but the heartfelt-attraction evoked by a beloved-mate through real-love doesn't. Sometimes people choose the wrong person to marry, and they knew it when they first met them. They dismissed the red-flags, lowered their standards, and waived their deal-breakers; because sometimes we're too anxious to get love, rather than to wait until it arrives when God decides it's the right time.
Surely the man you call a husband is cruel to you in everyway; not just because he doesn't want sex with you. Nobody talks to somebody they really love like he talks to you. There not only seems to be no sex, but no love either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): Your husband sounds like a jerk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): Your husband is an IDIOT! I am 54 and I am still very hot and have men who are young looking at me all the time! I am sure they would love to get into my pants. Are you kidding me? I even have old men wanting me! Your husband is only ONE MAN on the face of this earth! Do you think they all think like him? Absolutely not! There are plenty of guys out there who would worship the ground a woman of 40 PLUS walks on! You just don't know it!
Hubby is insecure and wants to keep you down because he is afraid other men will find you attractive and want to fuck you. Do not ever think you are ugly or useless. Women who are older have something about them that young women just don't have. It is called confidence from knowing themselves in a way young girls cannot. And that creates this beautiful freedom and absolutely no inhibitions. Fine wine, OP! And it should never be a competition either. If you are with anyone who makes you feel you ever need to compete, then they are the wrong one for you!
Fish smell? LOL Young women can stink like fish too! That happens to any woman who does not take care of herself, have proper hygiene, or has an infection in her vagina. Young OR old!!!
How about your husband? How hard is he now that he is an older man? Kinda soft huh? Not hard as long as he used to be? Stamina suffering? Losing his hair? Sounds to me like he is the one with the sexual problems.
I think what you need to do is find yourself another man. This man is a jerk. Why do you want to live the rest of your life sexless and feeling undesirable when you can find a compatible man who will not bring you down or take you for granted the way this man has been doing? You deserve to feel like a woman and treated with respect and kindness.
I would advise you to remove yourself from this prison. This man is abusive to you. Yes, ABUSIVE!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022):
Sorry to hear that your husband stopped having sex with you after you turned 40. your husband is wrong. Your age can be a good thing. Perhaps if you and your husband are going in different directions perhaps he would allow you to have sex with someone else since he is not interested. You could also consider a separation/ divorce. It might be a better relationship for you.
You should consider seeing a younger man. Im in my 20’s and love women in their 40’s. I like that older women are more likely to have had more life experiences that enable them to have vast knowledge and a deeper understanding of world events. they are confident in themselves and don’t need the reassurance all the time. They still enjoy a man’s attention while also being able to focus on other important things other than constant contact.
If you’re an older, wiser, and a more mature woman. dating a younger man can be great. They’re cute, energetic and do not carry the same baggage as middle-aged men.
As man who's had experience dating and having sex with an older woman it has been some of the best sex. Heres some good things about it. Age alone often indicates many more years of experience with sex, possibly with multiple partners. have provided years of sexual experience with one partner. Older women know what they want.Their self-awareness comes from years of experience and communicating with sexual partners. Older women realize the importance of sex in a relationship. She may have been in a marriage where sex was withheld. She won't use sex as a bargaining chip or try to get something materialistic from the younger man. It's flattering to a younger man when a hot older woman finds him desirable. It's a challenge to be with an attractive, sexy older lady who is physically fit and keeps herself well-groomed. Older women are more likely to have confidence in their bodies and sexual prowess. This is a huge turn-on for men who may have been with young girls who are just learning the ropes. The younger girls may be self-conscious and uncomfortable talking dirty in bed. Older women are spontaneous and comfortable being naked. Older women are less likely to be afraid to communicate. A younger man will know exactly where he stands with her. She won't play mind games with her younger man by not answering her phone.She will approach a man in a bar and not wait for him to make the first move. She will indicate what she wants from the relationship. She will openly share her sexual needs and desires. She isn't worried about losing the man if she expresses herself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): Erm massive red flag!
20s looks like a little girl?
Women should be controlled!
40s is too old?
Is that not enough for you to see there is something seriously wrong with his man!
Run for the hills, he sounds like a predator and yes guess he is correct mature women would see straight through him!
I know it can be hard because you are married to him. I'm gussing the things he says you have started to find normal but they are not. You need to build your own self esteem back.
Do you have family or friends you could tell?
Get around good people, not this slimball.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): 40 is not too old to have sex. Sex should still be enjoyed in a woman’s 40s and beyond…
It turns out sex is associated with a large number of women's health benefits. People who regularly have sex report being happier and feeling more connected to their partners. there are many other reasons why maintaining a healthy sex life is a good idea.
Women grow increasingly satisfied with their sex lives after they turn 40.
For many women, their sexual peak in their 40’s comes alongside a deepening of an acceptance and understanding of what their body looks like, wants, and needs. Sex after 40, basically, is a whole new ball game — and it should be liberating because of that.
Younger women are much more likely to be obsessed with their appearance, their weight and so on and worries about those things sap their self-confidence and get in the way of them enjoying themselves. Older women are more confident of who they are, and it's a deep-seated confidence, which means they're not scared of intimacy, and they're not scared of going all out for what they need to feel satisfied.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): Who says 40 is old? On the contrary 40 is the optimum of maturity. There are a lot of 40-60sh women extremely beautiful and can hold mirror to much the younger ones. Your husband is probably suffering from ED and is too ashamed to tell you. Advise him to see a doctor.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2022): I am not an advice expert. On here looking for advice. But I can tell you for sure. Your husband is a jerk and you deserve better. That is coming from a fairly self-centered guy. If I think he is bad, he is bad. He should not say things like that to you. Also, age is just a number. People are individuals. I know a lot of very attractive women in their 40's and up. Maybe he is just having trouble down there and is using the age thing as an excuse.
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