A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a 46 year old man married for 16 years now with two kids aged 15 and 10.Very recently I reconnected after a 26 year gap, with my childhood sweetheart who is 45 and also married for 25 years and has two daughters aged 21 and 17.Ever since we reconnected we have been in touch with each other everyday either on the mail or phone. We both are on the same wavelength in terms of our feelings and emotions for each other that we very soon realised this passionate love for each other. While we both would like to keep this relationship above board:1. Is it okay to be in love with each other even when we have our respective families?2.Is there something called pure love which is not physical?Please write to me. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhile thanking all those who responded to my query,here is an update ...
Both of us are unhappy with the present marriage(this situation has been there for both of us pre- re connection days)while I can say that for sure about my marriage,I found out that she was also not at all happy but living together for the limited purpose of raising the kids.
If then, say we work out a time frame sometime in the future,after we complete our respective duties as a parent- is it ok to move on with separation from our respective partners to come together for the rest of our lives with someone we love so much.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2007): There are kids in the mix here.Think about them.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2007): Short answer: No, its not okay. You are married; she is married, too. This means that you are not free to be passionately (whether it were to include sexual love or no) in love with her.
It could all too easily get out of hand - already has if you are sending emails and phoning on a daily basis.
Pull the plug on this one, right now, before your wife or her husband starts asking questions!
...............................
A
female
reader, plumzie  +, writes (5 May 2007):
 well...this is a tough one. ask yourself - do u love your wife? if you do then obviously you dont want to hurt her and cheat on her. you are a wise man of years...your intellect should tell you that loving another woman outside of marriage is not ethical. however, there are many variations of love. your childhood sweetheart maybe your first love..that is the type of love one never forgets. there is no harm in being friends...but so long as you know where the limit is. If you can stay behind the line, then by all means keep in contact with your friend. however realize that if your wife found out about this, you maybe heading to the divorce courts.
if you introduce your childhood sweatheart to your family and change the type of relationship to an acceptable family friendship...then things may soften. Best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): stay alone in your cave' ( if u know what i mean' that normally man have their own cave ) think it hard... sometimes its exciting on the first moment, but when you keep going, moving and things happen. think about it'' problem dont come on the start, its always a little late., its better to learn to stop it NOW.. before the very big sorry for your self happen. dont let your self fall down on this emotion.. if u think u can make it'' sure u can''... good luck....... G........
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (4 May 2007):
 Deep down you know this isn't right. You have a lot of strong feelings for her, and it could be very dangerous. You say you are trying to keep this above board, but your not. Your both sneaking around already.
If this lady is truly the love of your life, and you have this massive conection. You owe it to your wife to be honest with her.
My only worry for you is that you could be heading for lots of trouble and a massive dissapointment. Things are rarely the same after all those years, and this could be just an ego boost for you. I think Enzian's answer was very good, do you stick with the reliable person who has loved you all thease years or swap for another model, not a new one, but one thats a bit more shiny and hasnt been seen by you for a while.
Only you know what you will end up doing, but in your heart you know whats right.
They say be carefull what you wish for, and I think for you this is very true.
...............................
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (4 May 2007):
 Hi
To answer you question from my perspective:
1. Is it okay to be in love with each other even when we have our respective families? - No, it is not. You have a wife and you gave HER the promise to love her 16 years ago. To be in love with your childhood sweetheart cheating on your wife an this can never be right. You made the decision to marry your wife, not tho your childhood sweetheart.
2.Is there something called pure love which is not physical? - Yes there is, because sex is not love and love is not sex. But pure love is what your wife deserves from you not this other MARRIED women!
What is love? Real, deep, solid love is the decision for someone. It is the decision to want the best for this person and to make this person happy. You don't allways feel in love. But the cheerful feelings will come back again.
You can compare love with driving in a sport car. You have a new car (thats when you are falling in love with a women and marry her) and you drive on a road very fast. On the back of your car there is a very nice cloud of dust (your feelings) dispersed from the road. You are having lots of fun and very much enjoy this cloud of dust. But then there suddenly you see a cloude on the sky and it starts to rain. The cloud of dust disappears. Now you can make your decission: You can stopp your car and buy a new one (this other women) or you can drive on (stay with your wife and kits) and hope that the rain will stop and the road will dry and the cloude of dust will dispersed from the road again. Changing the car is not love, it is egoistic!
Hope this is a little thought-provoking for you.
...............................
|
