A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. A couple of things, I suffer from insecurity really badly whenever I am in a relationship and it always pushes my bfs away, they end up leaving. The thing is, a couple of things about my bf worry me and I would just like to know other people’s opinions on whether I am being silly or not. Firstly, he goes out on works dos reasonably regularly. They usually involve lots of alcohol and they are pretty much events where it is just colleagues, i.e partners are not invited. That’s okay with me as I don’t want to go as I find going out and getting drunk boring and I’d rather stay in and watch bad tv! He doesn’t even seem to enjoy them that much and usually has a bad hangover the next day. The thing is that two of his male colleagues are in relationships and both have been unfaithful with girls who work on their ward (he’s a nurse).i think it has only happened once, as like a one night stand type thing and I know that both these guys were really drunk and we all make mistakes etc but I just get insecure that these are his mates/colleagues and they have loose morals when they are drunk and well, yeah, I am worried my bf might do the same. I have discussed this with him and he got really upset and hates the feeling of me not trusting him. The second issue I have is that my bf has an ex FWB on his facebook friends. Is this normal? I’ve never had FWB/f**k buddies so I don’t know. I think they are still friends kind of. They were seeing eachother years ago. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): Hi, I'm the OP. to be honest, I'm not interested in going out with his colleagues and their gfs, I'd much rather go out with my friends! Yeah, we see eachother alot and he goes on these work dos a few times a year? I dont think he has had any physical contact with any of the girls he works with, he may have a little flirt occasionally but who doesnt do that? flirting is okay. Maybe there is nothing to worry about. I dont thnik he wants to be one of the bad boys but i think he has got avery stressful job and needs to let off steam?
I dont know, to be honest your answers have worried me somewhat; i was expecting people to tell me to stop being insecure/ridiculous!
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 You describe two issues.
*A BF who has an drinking problem and feels pressured to socialize in these drinking fests with his coworkers.
*He has a friend that was a former FWB connection.
The former FWB friend is easy: Is she still on his FWB possibilities list or has that been closed FOR GOOD?
If you have been dating him for a few months now-it is fair to ask if this is really a friend with no more benefits in the future.
The drinking with the coworkers is going to be your stickier situation. He keeps bad company that set a poor example for him. These are not work functions. These are exclusive "bad boy" events.
I am guessing he might feel pressured to be one of the boys, but if he is not showing signs of wanting to be a better man-he is showing you his charachter. He is showing you how he wants to impress you.
You discussed it with him and he hates the feeling of not being trusted. You generally know someone by the company they keep. What he is doing is surrounding himself with temptation and telling you to mind your own business, that he is strong enough to conduct himself, etc.
I think he is also showing disrespect for you and not taking your feelings/thoughts into consideration and still wants to belong to the bad boys club. You are right that everyone makes mistakes, but when we INVITE the possibility of trouble, we also get to take the full responsibility of the consequences.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): Does he take you out pretty regular too - or does he just go out with colleagues?
I dont think the ex FWB is anything to worry about, he's probably forgotten she's on facebook. He works in a hospital so obviously there are lots of females about...doesn't mean he's tempted though. If he didnt want to be in a relationship with you he would finish it.I can understand your insecurity but thats something you and he will have to discuss and he has a role in making you feel secure...Maybe suggest a night out with his colleagues and their partners so you can get to know them a bit - doesnt have to be drinking, maybe a meal
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