A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has recently become obsessed, and I mean obsessed with his iPhone.The iPhone isn't new, he's had it since January, so it's not like a kid with a new toy at Christmas, but he spends hours on social networking sites with it, and spends money buying other new ones, and even spent a bit of money buying one for a sick child who's 16 - a relative of his colleague's who he has socialised with a few times.Whilst I commend him for being caring towards the boy (I've met him twice), I'm worried about the iPhone obsession - it's led to him wanting less and less sex, he won't discuss why he's addicted to his iPhone, and if asked he becomes stressed. He's always on the phone to his friends, and didn't even care when I spent a night out with my girlfriends - all we did was try new Italian cuisine (not just pizza and pasta!!) at a restaurant, not a restaurant with "hunky waiters", just a family-owned taverna that's been around some 30 years, and moved premises.I was stunned to find on one of his iPhones he has a risque photo of himself wearing an article of my clothing. It's the lack of respect. I confronted him about it, he insisted it was "just a fun picture". I don't understand why he did it - it makes me sick, and even worse, the photo ended up on his Twitter feed! (with the sent from iPhone message on the tweet!)I have tried to talk calmly and reasonably, but he struggles to explain himself.Is his behaviour odd, and what should/can I do about this?I could divorce him, but I want to try and understand why he's like this - after all, we previously talked out any potential rows, but this one is a little harder. It would be too early for us to divorce, we've only been married for 2 and a half years.Has he got an addiction, and is it as serious as drink, drug or gambling?I don't know what to do next, need your help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): OP - female 30-35
Thank you for your help here at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/iphone-addict-sending-a-picture-of-himself-in.html, it was much appreciated.
I did talk to him about it, but managed to get some more info about who he bought the phone for; a 16-year-old boy with a life-threatening illness [not saying what for privacy reasons] - he's been in and out of hospita. It's one 16-year-old, not several, as someone mentioned here.
Whilst his intentions may have been good, I told him about what you said on here, however he insisted he was doing a good deed.
He does seem addicted to the iPhone, looking at webforums on iPhones, jailbreaking (what the hell does that mean? I've heard the phrase but it's jargon to me!) iPhones for people, even spends hours going to shops for them (and people joke about us women being addicted to retail therapy!)
I found out this morning he'd uploaded a photo (again taken from his iPhone) of himself wearing my bright red bikini onto Twitter for his followers; it was done at 11am yesterday morning, he'd obviously waited until I'd gone out to work.
He said he enjoys the social benefits an iPhone brings, and has made new friends through having one, but isn't this taking it too far?
When would you recommend counselling, and is it always appropriate in every situation?
He's basically a good loving husband, with a good sense of humour, but I feel he's probably gone a little too far - have I become an "iPhone widow" ?
All further help is much appreciated.
[sorry to rush,... on public terminal]
A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (23 October 2012):
I often spend hours every day online on my ipod touch; however, I don't visit social networking sites any more (i don't like the level of integration between apps and how easy it is to accidentially 'like' a tragic news story when I'm simply trying to scroll) and I don't have email on here either.
I have been addicted to social networking type sites in the past. Over 10 years ago I would spend hours using trillian to talk to my friends on AIM and yahoo and I spent quite a bit of time on Bolt and using some online diary site (not livejournal). They weren't called blogs back then.
The internet has changed. Society has changed. People are (for the most part) social. Checking status updates, having as many friends as possible on sites like facebook, or followers on twitter and keeping these folks engaged makes many people feel important and wanted. Some people feel so fufilled by these interractions that they neglect their real life relationships with those closest to them. It is a virtual drug with very real consequences.
You need to sit down with your husband, make him turn the iphone completely OFF, and have a discussion with him about his 'internet addiction.' additionally, he needs to be reminded that there are certain boundaries that should not be crossed. Texting 16 year olds and buying them a $700 phone, for example, is weird and not socially acceptable. It will lead people to think that something unsavory could be happening between them.
He needs to put down the phone and remember how to interract with people in person.
If you still love him and see a future with him, perhaps you could go to a marriage counselor together to talk through any concerns you have?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (23 October 2012):
 Hi
He does sound a bit odd from what you say, however I don't see why he would mind or comment on you being out for a meal with girlfriends, it's not anything unusual.
It sounds like he is compensating for something thats missing in his life.How do you work out sex has diminished because of the iphone?
I don't think divorce is the answer but you do need some answers as this habit of his sounds extreme,are you sure its just social network sites he's on?
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