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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with my BF for nearly a year. We are in out 40's. I've been single for nearly 10 yrs. He has been divorced for 3. I live a distance away. He says he is serious about me and wants to look to marriage. His 4 kids aren't keen on the idea. We tried to get them together with my child. It went pretty well, I thought,but he has quit talking to me when he has them and our relationship has changed. I feel like I'm having an affair. I started bringing my daughter to his house for the weekends when his are gone. We live 3 hrs away. I don't sleep in the same room as him there. It is all very nice. We discussed involving my daughter prior to actually doing it and he said it was time and that his kids would be involved too. The problem is that he didn't tell me that his kids don't want to be involved with me, they haven't been involved YET he has allowed my child to be involved. I'm angered over this. He said that he would talk to his kids and tell them where we stand. He told them that we are in love and 'we'll see were it goes from there.'. That's NOT what he's been telling me. We both have been talking about marriage, mostly him. Please someone tell me what to do. I'm starting to lose trust. I feel as if he is saying what ever he needs to to keep me in the relationship and in his bed. I feel like he has sacraficed my daugther's well being for his own selfish needs.
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 You didn't mention how old his kids are, or your daughters age either. He may be just taking it slow and allowing his children to get used to the idea, before he brings up marriage. Sometimes "blended families" are difficult and take time. Added pressure will only make it worse. If you trust him and believe that he loves you, trust that he is doing the best he can to make everyone happy. Put yourself in his position. What if your daughter wasn't "keen" on the idea? Wouldn't you want to take it slow? You both love your kids, and neither of you would want to have them thinking that someone is being chosen over them! I wish you luck, strength and patience!~BG~
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): How old are all the kids in this situation? Was he the one who left their mother? Dating with kids is difficult- IMO your best bet is to go get some structured advice from a third party. Both of you have a lot of people in your immediate life, and it's going to take focus and balance to make your relationship work above all the others.
If he's not willing to do this, you have a BIG SIGNAL in front of you that you need to move one and find a man (likely with kids and an ex-wife) that is...
Do you and his ex get along? Is there any possibility that you can forge a relationship with her for the sake of her kids?
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