A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been working 2 years now in my current workplace. Ever since, I have liked very much an older male colleague. Despite other men that have passed through my life, he was constantly on my mind. We don't work together every day but there were times that we had a lot of work together. He is married and has 2 teenager kids. There is some touchable chemistry between us, several colleagues have been making bets that we are having an affair. Nevertheless, nothing has happened. We went to birthday parties with people from work, we work together very well and I totally caught him checking me out while we talk or while we are not. He has been a practicant of buddhism for some years and at my request, he shared about it and gave me some material to study. We have talked about getting together for a few hours one day to talk about it. So, I was thinking to invite him to my place (where I live alone) and where he previously invited himself in honor of me finding a new house and having to throw a welcome party. Important to mention: he has been in my previous home when I invited him and 4 other colleagues for Christmas dinner. My question is does he think I invite him over for sex or purely for talking about buddhism, as previously established? Could my invitation be misinterpreted? And no, I am not interested in a relationship with this man while he is still married. Even if I find him wildly attractive.Is there a risk that we end up in bed?Me having a BF or not may have any importance in him trying to make a move during this visit?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will not deny I have been thinking about the right approach to this, therefore submitting it to your views. I wasn't sure it would send the message:"So let's have sex!". Sex however would ruin the great work relationship we now have and I don't want that. I am now thinking to ask him to choose a place (he already agreed to meet and have a talk about the subject: buddhism) or suggest the beach or something like it. I am aware that there is some chemistry going on but I am not wishing to become anybody's mistress. Thanks for the opinions.
A
male
reader, Calum  +, writes (16 April 2013):
You shouldn't invite him over. He's married with children. Don't hurt anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): 'I am not interested in a relationship with this man while he is still married. Even if I find him wildly attractive.'You may not want to have a relationship with this man as you say in the first sentence. But from the following sentence you clearly want to have sex with him. 'Is there a risk that we end up in bed?'Unless you have reason to believe he is a rapist, this question again shows that sex is on the cards for you. You wouldn't ask if there's a risk of ending up in bed if it was your other friends / family visiting you, would you? 'Me having a BF or not may have any importance in him trying to make a move during this visit?'That's a bit of a redundant question. You've made the fact that he has a wife of little importance in your decision to invite him to spend time alone with you in your house when you know that sex with him is on the cards for you.'I have liked very much an older male colleague''he was constantly on my mind''I totally caught him checking me out''at my request, he shared about it and gave me some material to study''I was thinking to invite him to my place'OP, you like this man. You looked for signs that he is interested in you too. Notice how you 'caught' rather than 'noticed' him checking you out.He probably is interested in you too. But I'd like to point out to you that you initiated the common ground about buddhism and you are now using it as a pretext to invite him round to yours.Are you going to buy a bhuddha sculpture and invite him to see it lying on your bed before you realise what you're doing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): For sex OP. Why else would a woman invite you back to her private space? To talk about Buddhism, economics, the history of dolphins? No, for sex. It's like that phrase "do you want to come in for a coffee?" You're not inviting us in for coffee, you're opening your bed to us.
"Could my invitation be misinterpreted?"
No because your invitation is an invitation for sex. Otherwise why not go to a coffee shop, somewhere with a nice atmosphere where you can discuss this topic?
Oh come on OP, do you really think the buddhism excuse is going to wash? That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. "Why were in that woman's place alone?" "To talk about Buddhism" "What was that guy from your job doing at your place?" "We were talking about Buddhism" hahaha see? Ridiculous.
"Is there a risk that we end up in bed?" Not just a risk, that's the very reason you're inviting him over OP. If you want to know about Buddhism then google it, if you want to discuss anything with this "wildly attractive man" then you can go to a coffee shop or something. But no, you want him over to your private space, so you can have a deep meaningful "conversation" before you have sex with him.
OP you're inviting him over for sex, he's probably going to go there for sex and you're going to sleep with him. Just be careful of the consequences here OP. Even if you don't have sex are your BF and his wife really going to accept that excuse and think nothing happened? I certainly wouldn't haha.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 April 2013):
 If you invite him to your home (just the two of you alone) YES he will assume that you are going to have sex...at your age, you should not only know this, you should realise that you are makingit happen.
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