A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Will this relationship work? I feel his feelings for me are over. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, 4 of those years we were happy I remember him being in love with me. During our 4th year I got pregnant with a baby girl, now she is 1 year but it's been a very hard year especially after I moved in with him and his mom.He doesn't kiss me unless before he goes to work and that's if his in a good mood, he doesn't cuddle with me or hug me, even if I try to he will say "not now" or give me a quick hug like sarcastic and we woo have sex but this last time I asked him he said no, so I just feel rejected. Like I love him so much that I keep trying even more cause we have a baby now. When we go to sleep I try to hug him but he just moves, I think to myself he's so close to me but yet so far away cause I don't think his love for me is there. So Last night we were texting (I'm visiting my parents) and I was trying to have a sexy conversation so when I get back to him we can do our thing (sex) I asked him what was his fav. sex position, he said when are you gonna eat me out, he said never and that hurt me cause before he would not every time. Then I asked you don't enjoy sex with me any more huh? He said sure, then I asked are you cheating and he said no and I asked then why don't you want to kiss, hug, cuddle, have sex with me? He said well I asked do you even love me? I Told him I loved him that's why I try to kiss, hug, cuddle and I do want to have sex with him he still turns me on. What it's going on? Is our relationship failing? This guy is my world his my first boyfriend, I lost my virginity to him, his my first love, I'm still head over heels for him. He had other girlfriends, I'm his first long relationship and first baby mother. We meet at 16, now we are 22. I understand living with his mom is hard cause if she gets mad at him his mood is messed up. I think the last time he hugged me when we were sleeping was last month he was drunk. Is this relationship over? Is his love for me gone ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): Accept for the child that holds you together, I think the relationship may have run it's course.
This is pure speculation on my part; but maybe he feels trapped and is only remaining for the sake of his daughter.
Things change drastically when a child enters the picture and you're not married. He no longer has that carefree connection of a couple with no responsibilities; but to care for each other. A child is legal and moral responsibility. You are not.
Now he is bound to fatherhood and responsible for her emotional and financial support. Maybe he wasn't ready for that. You now represent the end of his freedom, and a premature introduction to parenthood. Technically, you're his wife. He can't just walk away.
His feelings may be fading, because of resentment. They were bound to level-off naturally. We can become very content and over-familiar with our sex-partners; or our sex-drives may fall out of sync.
Honestly, I'm afraid my suggestion that he's falling out of love with his domestic situation, might be more the case. You're still living with his mother, so that means your financial situation has placed you dependent on her for shelter. His options are limited; he is technically single, but not officially married.
After five years and a daughter, he hasn't married you. I'd say he never intended to. In his mind, the choices he once had no longer exists.
You've tried to talk about it; but you're not getting straight answers. You never will. I think you already know the reasons, and so does he.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): Op: Thank you for that I see where you are coming from & your right it is probably to much pressure 3 ppl to please & only one of him you really open my eyes to approach my boyfriend & make us a lil less stressful :) you made me feel better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): OP you're living in literally the most non-sexual house you can live in with his mother. You also have a young child to take care of which is another major libido killer and if he's also working to support you both then I can see why he's not exactly feeling it at the moment.
Your reaction then was way over the top. No offence but I'd be very pissed off if my wife pulled that "woe is me, you don't love me anymore, you hate sex with me" emotional blackmail bullshit.
OP maybe you too are just stressed, tired and a bit worn out from living with his mother and raising a child, and that's why you're acting this way. I'd hope so OP, because it's a huge turn off. The last thing I'd want is sex or closeness with a woman who accuses me of cheating, accuses me of not enjoying sex with her and questions my love for her because I'm going through a stressful period in my life with a time/emotion/energy consuming young toddler, a nagging mother and an hyper-emotional girlfriend who doubts me.
That is my nightmare scenario.
My point is OP you could have approached this in a more reasonable way instead of the way you did. You could have talked to him about how he feels about life in general now, you could have gotten to source of why he's like this but you didn't bother. You're literally only thinking of yourself and how him not being intimate with you affects you.
So on one hand he has his mother demanding he be or do things a certain way in her home, a young daughter demanding attention, time and effort from her daddy, and now a girlfriend too that feels utterly dejected and demanding he be a better boyfriend. Can you not see how that combination of factors may have affected him, and may have killed the romance? Why is it that it has to be the worst case scenario here?
It sounds to me like life is pretty tough for you both right now, his repsonse is to grab any little bit of space he can get and it's had a negative effect on his ability to fulfil your needs. I think your response to this stress then is to become needy and need him more, which of course is the opposite of what he wants and so you're now feeling dejected.
You need to start thinking clearly here OP and understand it's not you, it's his love for you, it's not anything to do with not enjoying sex, it's just being the centre of these three people who rely on him and are pulling him in different directions and he simply has not time or space to himself.
You need to stop overloading him with these crazy accusations and demands and have a little bit of patience. You need to see if there are ways you can ease the burden on you both and have nights together just the two of you. Date nights, or maybe go away for a weekend and just be a couple again. You also need to find a way of getting your own place too and some freedom. But most of all you need to find a way making life a little more stress free for you both. He's not the only one who has to deal with this situation, it must be just as tough on you. But you really are making it worse for him by putting so much added pressure on him. Take that away, and try ease some of the other pressures you are both facing and I'm sure he'll get some of his mojo back.
It's really nothing to do with his love or how awesome sex is with you. I'm like you, when I'm stressed there's nothing better than intimacy and sex. They're literally the best things for it. But some people need space when they're like that and pull away. It's not a reflection on you and it's really not helping that you're doing that.
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