A
male
age
41-50,
*illyfox
writes:Ok so new at this. Not sure if this question qualifies for this site but here goes anyways. Basically I'm 34 years old and on the inside I Identify as female. So transgender I guess. When I was younger I ad lots of accepting friends. Long blond hair and was quite pretty actually but as time went on my body and features became very masculine. I know I could tinker with things but that just scares the crap out of me. Point of all this is that I don't have any girlfriends to talk to anymore. I choose to live as a male cuz its easier but this just makes it impossible to make female friends. I guess I'm just crying out into the night hoping someone can tell me how I can find a friend at this age that could truly accept me as the woman I know I've always been. Sorry this is so long and confusing. -Lilly- Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): Lilly. I can relate to what you are going through. I could not wait until I turned 18 to move out of my parents home so I could begin my new life living as a woman. I made a clean break and moved to another city where no one knew me. I lived there for two years as a full time girl. Getting there my plans were to get a job and go through the transition however it soon became apparent that job prospects for a transgendered female were not good and the money needed to pay for hormones, plastic surgery, electrolysis, and sex reassignment surgery was far out of reach considering my job prospects. No wonder so many TG'S go into prostitution. Anyway I spent 1 1/2 years working as a bar maid in a gay club. The pay was ok but not enough to cover what I needed to do. I made a ton of friends at the club both male and female. Although my interest is in straight guys my gay friends or girl friends always seemed to be able to set me up on dates. After 2 years I decided that my best bet was to move home again, as a male, go into the family business and save up enough to fully transition and move on once again.Fast forward 3 years and I am still saving up money, living as a male which makes me sick and worst of all I have no friends to speak of. What keeps me going is that every week I put another pay check in the bank and soon enough I will have enough saved to move on again and transition. Bottom line Lilly, set your goals, move forward until they are realized. This is how I have been handling it.
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 I can understand that. But, as Miamine said, it's a safer world out there. More and more people are opening their hearts and minds to gays, transgenders, and bisexuals. I have always believed that what people fear most are what they cannot or refuse to understand. Approaching people is tough I know, however, you can also allow them to approach you first. This may sound weird but, if you want a friend to discuss the things you listed, go where those factors are rampant. For example, meeting and befriending women would be easier in a beautician's class or a small workshop. Then, the ladies would know beforehand that you have such an interest and would find it easier to talk to you and get to know you. I don't know if that's something you'd be open to or not, but it could be fun :) I know there aren't many websites dedicated to mere friendship between transgenders but you can aim for a more general website where you can simply chat and be casual, nothing like Facebook. But remember hon, in any relationship, you have to be willing to get a little vulnerable, a little uncomfortable at first to test it out. If not, you're closing yourself off to the possibility. I'm not saying go all out. Just try. We're here for you! :)
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Also lily, just try to find some women friends, just normal women friends, who aren't sexually interested. Hang out where women hang out, in fashion online sites, go get your hair done at the hairdressers instead of the barbers. Talk to them about hair, makeup and stuff, they will usually think your gay and so will be happy to include you. If you end up making friends, you can explain more then.
Again, things are different now, safer, we all understand more, lots of famous transvestites now like Ru Paul, some famous transexuals, gay men and women get married now. It's against the law to discriminate in any way against gay people. (and I'm aware you may not be gay) Your safer now than ever before, so you can reach out and make friends.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 November 2011):
Check the internet for "transgender support groups", there you'll find websites with people just like you. Best to go there, you pick up hints and lots of advice, which will help you gain the confidence to do what you want to do. Hopefully, you'll start to make online friends, and you can take it from there and maybe they'll tell you the best places to go to meet people who are tolerant, understanding of the way you look, think, dress and feel.
Good luck, it's 2011, things are different now, there are tons of people, who feel like you and who don't, who will understand and love to be friends with you.
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A
male
reader, lillyfox +, writes (26 November 2011):
lillyfox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice. I guess I'm too afraid to approach people. I don't look or act very feminine in public now days as an adult because I'm afraid of getting picked on or beat up. on the internet most sites are for dating or to meet other transgender girls. I guess I am avoiding talking to people in my boat because it tends to bring up years of pain and frustration. I know who and what I am so to be honest i just want normal in my life. just a friend to talk to about life, clothes, makeup and maybe later deeper things. I just feel so isolated and lost.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (26 November 2011):
Lilly, you're not alone in this though I know it can feel like that so much of the time. You wonder about being able to talk to someone openly about your hopes, fears and dreams but then, it's scary too to trust someone with so much of yourself. I had a friend who also identified himself as female and for him it was never, ever easy as he acted very feminine but had a man's build. When he reached out to me, I admit, I thought he had different intentions. But, as I got to know him and he showed more and more of himself to me, I saw that he was not who I thought. I was confused but then, it became easier and I saw him as Marissa-who she really was.
Friends, true friends, are not easy to find for anyone. But, why not pursue some hobbies that allow you to take classes and interact with others? When I took ballroom, I met a lot people, a lot of them were married couples. But, because I made friends with both wife and husband, I wasn't seen as much of a threat or as a girl out on the hunt. Some women are cautious when approached by a man for friendship, but meeting in such surroundings makes things more comfortable and laid-back. Are there no family members you can reach out to? Have you looked for support sites on the internet?
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