A
male
age
30-35,
*araeus
writes:About 6 months ago I got out of an awful relationship (although it was my first ever one) with a muslim girl; I'm a Hindu myself. Of course, the idea to get involved with her in the first place was not brilliant, however, I've always been insecure.She was the one to get my number, to text me, to call me, and so it was fairly easy to even try to comprehend that she liked me.However, towards the end of our first year of university, she let another guy sleep in her room with her. About a week after she had done this, I broke it off with her. She then went out with this bloke and it completely devastated me, since it made me feel like everything she had said to me that boosted my self esteem was a lie. This split up my friendship group, and yes, we are all on the same course.Now, there's a roommate of two friends of mine who I have begun to take a liking to over the past month or so. She's absolutely gorgeous; but at the same time still quite shy and reserved. I can in fact make her laugh, and it seems as though she enjoys my company and looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking, but honestly my main issue is that I think I'm simply not good enough for her.How can I get on and be a better person? In what way can I improve myself to become more attractive?Before my first girlfriend, I was bullied (not because of my looks, but because at the time I didn't stick up for myself) and rejected by plenty of other women. Other "friends" would make jokes about how I had crushes on specific girls, and at one point one girl even found out and seemed repulsed altogether. This was all in high school.Now I feel like I've grown into a more confident individual who can make a girl happy given the opportunity. I know I'm a fantastic boyfriend, but I'm still fighting a losing battle regarding the amount of female attraction I've had all my life. My ex even once said "I don't go for guys just for their looks" and even recently when talking about this new girl, a good friend came out with "you don't need to be amazing looking as a guy to get women". Of course, all this seriously damaged my confidence and my fear of rejection is at an all time high. I really must conquer it, because this girl is just too good to just let pass away.
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bullied, confidence, crush, insecure, muslim, roommate, self esteem, shy, split up, text, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lalala  +, writes (15 November 2010):
:( I've been there. First, you should try to distance yourself from this girl. Atleast until you build your confidence back up. To build your confidence, there is not one set way. I am not a psychologist or therapist so I do not have any specific ways that will work. What works for me is making sure I keep good hygiene and grooming. Always smell good, wear clean clothes, and keep a neat appearance. If you have the money wear nicer clothes or treat you to a new haircut to start off fresh and to boost your confidence. The downside is,you can look good all you want but unless you feel good about yourself, it wont matter.
I have at one point felt bad about myself and thought I was ugly. When I looked at pictures of myself of the times I was not feeling so great, I realized that I looked fantastic, I just needed to FEEL it. My point is that you have to love yourself no matter what. Regardless of how you look, you have to be able to look in the mirror and love what you see. What makes me feel confident is knowing that I am a great person. Knowing that my being goes past my looks and that my personality has depth. Try to think about all of the things that you love about yourself rather than focusing on the negative. Whenever those negative thoughts come in your head, replace them with positive thoughts.
Another thing that keeps me happy and helps me radiate confidence is knowing that life is too short. I try to live my life as if everyday is my last regardless of my circumstances. If you live in that way, you will realize that life is too short to beat yourself over the head with negativity and to work with what you have! Don't be too rough on yourself. Be kind to yourself.
If all else fails, stand up straight, and have a smile on your face. Fake confidence. Pretend that you believe in yourself and that you love yourself. If you pretend long enough, you will start to believe it. I hope I helped! :)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 At the moment you don't know much about this girl besides her being gorgeous and that you can make her smile. The cliche is that girls fall in love with men who seduces them, act mysteriously, and not too quick to give in to their wishes on being a boyfriend right away. Some may put on a masculine pretense. There's a kind of confidence that's faked, it's more like a fear of being exposed. One clue you gave me is that this girl is shy, which means it helps if you can take on the leader role. Don't ask her what she wants to do, where she wants to eat, if it's okay if you kiss her, etc. Tell her this is what you want for the day, and don't call her too often, don't express your feelings for her, keep her guessing and don't ask her what she thinks about you. Whatever girls think about you does not change who you are. Your self-esteem is not determined by how many chicks you can score.
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A
female
reader, mod_gurl +, writes (15 November 2010):
If this girl is just too good to just pass up, then don't let her! Go after her! There's certainly signs of her liking you. You know that you're a great boyfriend, and if she says no, it'll be her loss not yours.
As for confidence, write down a list of your positive qualities and focus on that. The past is just that, it's the past. Live and love in the present. It's what effects the future.
Confidence is a journey you grow into. It's something you nurture and develop. Focus on the positive and hope for the best. It's not the ability to be told yes all the time. Confidence is the ability to hear a "No" and realize it's only another step towards a "Yes."
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