A
male
age
36-40,
*razyMiner
writes:Hi everyone!Basically around 4 weeks ago my ex girlfriend told me that she wanted to separate. It came as a real shock and seemed completely out of the blue. I'm 23 (she's 22) and we had been together permanently for 8 years. Around 6 months ago we purchased a house together and everything just seemed perfect.Apparently the catalist was that one evening about a week before we broke up she started talking online and on Skype to a guy that she used to know back home. But when I say talking, they would be speaking for hours... I was pretty unwell at the time and wanted her to come up to bed so I went down after they had been speaking for around 3 - 4 hours and asked if she was coming up. Basically we argued and she then slept in the spare room. I'm not entirely sure what to make of this guy - they haven't had any contact for at least 5 years and when we knew him then he was openly gay. My ex still tells me that he is gay but I don't know what to believe. The weirdest thing though is that after only speaking for a few nights and not having talked for years she was inviting him to visit her (this was before we broke up). I know that she did have a bit of a school girl crush on him back then... plus I've just seen some photos on FaceBook of them in a club with a few of her kissing him on the cheek (her main profile pic is now one of these).She works away most of the week (she is a Doctor) and so we didn't see each other for a few days after that argument, but when we did catch up we went for a meal and at the end she told me that she wanted to split.I was a bit taken aback obviously as she had just been to have her hair done and said on the phone she wanted to show it off to me.She then went off on a holiday that we had booked only a few weeks early (her mum lives abroad and we were going to stay with her) and I went down to visit my parents as I had already booked the time off work.I'm having a really difficult time at the moment. Even though it has been over a month since the separation I just can't stop thinking of anything else. I want to be back with her so badly but at the moment the feeling doesn't seem to be mutual. We are trying to be friends... meeting every 10 days or so to grab some food and have a catch up. She has said quite a few times things along the lines of "perhaps in 6 months we could try it again, but it would have to be as the new people we have become not a repeat of the old us" - I just don't know what to make of those sorts of statements, is that her trying to let me down gently or could she perhaps just have itchy feet? I mean, because we were a couple from a young age she/we never had the opportunity to be 'young, free and single'. We may have become a bit 'comfy' with buying the house etc, but she now goes out a lot more than she did before, but I suppose this may have something to do with the fact that she is now not having to divide her time between the two cities.In these sorts of situations, do couples ever get back together? I've tried (and failed) at phoning her, letting her know how I feel etc. I put some songs on her Spotify account and at first she text me to say that I got points for creativity but not to add anymore songs, however she then phoned an hour later and we had an argument because it upset her listening "to those types of songs".I just don't know what to do. She has asked for space and I'm now able to give her this, I let her phone me rather than calling her and try to keep all communication to a minimum. The other issue is that we had a lot of 'couple friends' that have fizzled out since we broke up. I'm trying to go to socialising events and get back into sport which is all stuff that I let slide after a few years due to work etc, plus I work from home so my social life at the moment is pretty shocking.Any advice would be appreciated!
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male
reader, CrazyMiner +, writes (12 April 2011):
CrazyMiner is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, forgot to say, we did almost break up about 12 months ago but I convinced her to stay. We tried it my way for a year, do I now need to try it her way by letting her find herself?I know we both still have feelings for each other, albeit hers seem to be more memory related and mine are still romance related.
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