A
female
age
41-50,
*uchado
writes:What do you do when you're in love with your best friend who loves you back but she is doesn't want to commit to anything because she is confused about how she feels? I know she loves me back but she says there are bits missing and that she is not sure why and that she still wants to see possibilities with other people. We have a really close relationship that has moved forward lately into a sexual relationship and a lot of emotional closeness... but knowin that she looks at other people is making me unhappy and she can't decide either way. she wants me to be more than a friend but also feels like she cant commit. what should i do? she is very honest with me. the thought of not being so close is so heartbreaking because as well as a girlfriend she is also my best friend, and when i'm not with her I don't know who else to talk to. i need her so badly. she needs me too. there seem to be only two options... carry on and have all the good things, but with the severe doubt in the back of my mind that drives me insane. Or break everything off and be miserable. we can't just be 'just' friends straight away because we both want more and we have an unusual friendship in that we are really close. we're both afraid that time apart will change our friendship in the long term.does anyone know what to do?
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Well it seems that she has doubts of her own and I wonder what is causing those?? Has she recently had a bad relationship experience? Is she still grappling with her sexuality? Is it simply a question of being scared of risking the friendship?? You say you are emotionally close which is good so maybe the first thing you need to do is open up to each other about how you are feeling and try and iron things out starting from there.
The problem is that things have already been changed and I think in general when change begins to happen the worst thing you can do is try and resist it, more you should try and manage to get to the place that you want to be. Good luck.
A
male
reader, novicenluv  +, writes (13 December 2007):
Hi, I believe that you and your best friend care about each other deeply; the issue here is that she seems to be content with the present arrangement while you on the other hand wish that you both had something more exclusive. Have you thought about what would happen if your best friend began dating other people? Would you be able to accept this and still maintain your present arrangement? Would you be any happier, or more miserable? If your friend begins to see other people; would these individuals be understanding of your "friendship"? You must consider the possibility that if your best friend introduces someone else into the mix then your friendship or the new relationship or both could be jeopardized. Don't mean to alarm you but I experienced something similar to what you're going through several years ago. I had a best friend and although we never had full blown intercourse it was clear that our frienship came with some "benefits" if you get my meaning. Years later she met the person who would later become her husband and long story short she decided to lose touch with me. After her marriaged failed she looked for me and reestablished contact; I asked her why she had given me the cold shoulder and she replied that it was because her husband hated my guts. Keep in mind that I never did anything to sabbotage her marriage, and that her ex never even met me.
Finally I would like to bring your attention to the possibility that perhaps you are limitting yourself just a tad too much; have you considered what would happen if you were to explore other options? Dating other people that is. What do you think this would do to your "friendship"?
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