A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:"OPs own title" Okay, So i've been dating my current boyfriend for 2 years and we dated before around 3 years ago. 3 years ago he was the perfect boyfriend, I couldn't ask for anything more. But we broke up and he got back with his abusive ex-girlfriend. My boyfriend has some deep seated issues about himself, he has incredibly low self-esteem. Growing up he was the fat kid that got teased mercilessly, on top of that his mother is a ballet teacher and has had him in ballet since he was 2. Well he's grown into a very tall, muscular good looking man, but still has weight issues. About 8 months ago he bought a house and moved out of his parents, he's 24. I live 2 hours away cuz I'm still in college, and I started going up there on weekends. Since then we've adopted a couple pets and things have gone rather smoothly up until a few months ago. My boyfriend is very dense and doesn't think about what he says before he says it. Lately, he has been very distracted, he has a huge upcoming ballet and he work 50 hours a week, so he is stressed out. I'm understanding of this, but his schedule really hasn't changed much from 5 months ago. But lately the romance is gone, he's starting to act like my father (my father being cold and distant) and its creeping me out. When I go up to where he lives I have no friends up there, meaning I'm staying just for him, and he leaves..ALL THE TIME. Like last weekend he came home from work walked right into the other room without saying anything. 2hours later he emerges saying he has work to do, then he walked outside and was out there for hours doing tedious stupid things like shaving rust off of a fire ring. Then he went down to his parents to return a ho and was gone 3 hours. It was like this 4 days in a row. He doesn't appear to care about anything anymore. He's said stuff about not caring if he lived or died, that he's fat. He told me that when we are married it would be fine if I had an affair as long as he knew about it because he feels like he will not be able to satisfy me for the rest of his life. I asked if he wanted an open marriage so he could see other people and he said no I was enough for him but that he wouldn't be enough for me. Which is ridiculous. He also dreams about me "with" my ex-boyfriends..I am a very old fashioned girl. I'm the little christian girl who wants a marriage, family, church on sundays, and lots of pie..and he's scaring me. I love him to death, and I know he loves me back, but he's even said he's been hurt to many times to let people get close. Often times I feel like I'm the only one who sees him for what he is. He has very few friends, and is extremely socially awkward. Now he calls me less often during the week, and keeps finding stuff to do on the weekends. We don't go out much anymore and I feel like he has no desire to even fake romance for me anymore..he's cold. I confronted him on sunday about it and packed up to leave and he stopped me, he pulled me onto his lap and said that he goes through this every year with his girlfriend and that he's stressed, he's not getting things done at work,and practice for the ballet is going bad. On top of that this is the first time he's owned a house and he says he's addicted to making his yard look amazing..he apologized and was sweet for the next 24 hours. But then I left cuz I had to get back to school and he still hasn't gone back to normal, the phone calls are still few and far between. I don't know what to do cuz talking isn't doing anything. We clearly have different ideas about how life is going to go and I don't know what to do about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): I had some problems like this with my boyfriend. It's pretty rare to find a guy with low self esteem. You can't treat them like some other guys. But here's my advice and I hope it helps.
People with low self esteem need to be loved and felt special by the person they love the most in life. In my relationship me and my boyfriend had low self esteem but his was worst than mine, so everyday I treated him like something special. I constantly told him I love him. I would tell him hat he was the best thing that ever happened to me. That he was an amazing person and was I lucky to have him. That he means everything to me. And yeah stuff like that. I treated him like the most precious thing in my life, and it boosted up his self esteem. So my advice to you is that make him feel like the most important thing in your life. Tell him that your the only person that you would ever want in this world. If you truly love him, you wouldn't hesitate telling him thee words.
Sometimes guys like to be chased just as girls like to be chased. So when you see him come in, not saying a word and go into the other room, follow him. Try to see whats on his mind. Find out whats bothering him. If he tell you, even if you don't understand, just listen to him and give him comforting comments. If he doesn't open up, sit next to him, and give him comforting vibes like holding and massaging his hand with your thumb, or siting in his lap and wrapping your arms around him, telling him that he means everything to you. If he says one day that your smothering or crowding him, tell him it's only because you love him and is concerned for his well being and apologize.
I hope this advice has helped. I am 15 turning 16 so I understand if you don't think that I'm old enough to be giving out advice but believe me I am very smart for my age when it comes with relationship and emotional problems.
I wish you good luck ^^
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