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female
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anonymous
writes: i am in my 2nd marriage of 1 year, i have 3 kids by prev marriage aged 15,11,5. they see there dad regulary. my 2nd man has never had his own kids due to cancer. he works away from home sun-fri and the kids dread friday because he starts picking on them straight away, he shouts and pushes them around and there scared to be left with him even for a short time. this has caused lots of agro as i back my kids when i know there right. he has caused lots of agro with my famiy and friends that now they dont visit when he's home. when we are on our own he's a different man, but just hasnt tried to be friends to them instead of a wicked step father. it has got to the point where ive asked him to leave and he did, but wants to go to councilin for anger,jealousy and child management, but im not sure that it will help him and if i let him home he will slip into his old ways again. im thinking of my kids happiness and there emotional future coz there dad used to beat me. i do love this man but is that enough to make this marriage work?? thankyou x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): As much as I am trying to understand 'why' you love this man... loving him does not preclude using your head when it comes to him treating your children so horridly. This man is not good for your family. He may be good for you, but you are not alone. You came as a package deal and he doesn't know how to parent properly. He does not have the empathy, compassion nor the heart to be raising kids with you. Gosh, kids need and require a ton of work. As wonderful as they are and as much as we love them. they can be upsetting, frustrating and at times, very unpleasant. Dear, your kids deserve better than to be ignored or treated so badly in the safety and security of their home. Your children's physical and emotional safety come first.. Your kids are fearful of this man. How can they function and live happily in a enviroment like that?? They are depending on you to be strong enough to make good, sensible choices and decisions that is best for them. There is no issue here. They need to be taken out of there. If you insist on staying with this man begin protecting your children and tell him he needs to learn how to parent, effectively. Not sure if that can be done, but I suggest you get your husband into intensive family counseling, will help him understand the dynamics of raising a family. If he won't do that...get the heck out of there and protect those kids!
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