A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I am in serious trouble here. I am totally head over heels in love with my best friend, I can't stop thinking about her...she consumes my thoughts to the point where I can't think about anything else, she has said she isn't interested which I respect but I am finding being her friend extremly hard, can you imagine how it feels seeing the person you want to love you every day at work and trying to deal with getting over them but still be a close friend at the same time! I have tried to put space there,it didn't work, I have tried pushing things to see what happens,sometimes I see things in her eyes that could mean something but then I remind myself she is straight and tell myself I am imagining it, now all I do is tend to upset her without trying because I can't get a hold on my feelings,I try to talk to her about it but then I lose my courage, she gets confused and starts asking questions which I have to try and dodge because above all she is my friend and a great friend I do not want to lose but I only have to see her smile or hear her laugh and I get a whole heap of feelings rush through me.I know I need to tell her and I know she will say.. Awww that's sweet hun but I'm not gay so what's the point! I am litterally driving myself insain! Do I need to just completly cut contact and avoid it as much as possible? This makes me so sad because I don't want to that and don't think I actually have it in me to do that. One way or another this is going to end badly and I am going to be heart broken, its her I want to spare any hurt, I can deal with me hurting but I can't deal with hurting her. Please someone, anyone, tell me what I need to do because I am at a complete loss myself.Thanks for taking the time to read this Xxxx
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male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 I totally understand that you feel that way. But sometimes you just chase a lost cause just because you feel so much for her. You never know, you might find someone out there who is the perfect girl for you and makes you feel even more than you do for the girl right now.I know it's hard to accept that there could be such a girl like that because you're thinking that this girl is everything you want and makes you feel more than anybody ever could/will.But if you close your mind then you are slightly admitting defeat. That this girl is all you want and whether you have a chance or not you're going to stick with her and continually fantasise. This may make you feel content and maybe even happier at the time, but surely there will be a time when you want someone to have those feelings for you and be involved in a seriously good relationship. If you choose to stay hung up on this girl then I wish you all the best and hope you still remain as happy with your feelings toward her as you do now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,
Thank you for your reply, Everyone knows I am gay, I have been out since I was 18 years old so thats not an issue. I am not chasing straight girls in the slightest, you cant help who you fall for, sometimes it just happens and hits you smack bang in the face.. like this has whether you want it to or not and there is absolutly nothing you can do about it! :o(
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ +, writes (5 March 2012):
If she values you as a true friend then cutting her off will be the only way she'll hurt. Although the way it sounds, it could end up badly unless you control the situation sooner rather than later.
If she doesn't know already then you maybe you should tell her that you're gay and ask her for support in finding like minded people. You probably should tell her how you feel towards her and if she says no then it's only what you already expected. The response will probably be similar to when a guy likes her but she's not interested. I'm sure she'll be flattered but will decline without completely crushing you.
As for you, you need to stop chasing straight women. This is the only way you will get over the feelings for her. There are plenty of groups for you to get support and meet other gay/bi women. If you were slightly nervous about this then you could either get a friend to help support you and give the moral backing to enter clubs etc. But if that is too nerve racking at the moment then maybe try dating websites. There are plenty of free sites knocking about and you will get matched to people who are similar to you and you won't get broken hearted by chasing straight women. I hope this helps and wish you all the best in finding that perfect woman for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs there anyone out there?????
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