A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear friends, I had a Ldr With a man for 3 months, let's call him eddy, we clashed so many times and broke up as well, somehow we made up and tried again, Im the serious type and he acted so serious to get me the first couple of months, then he started disappearing, acting so evasive and inconsistent, I had anger outbursts and went nuts on him many times. Till one day he came to visit me to fix things and we went out with his friends whom I met for the first time, and that's when I realized that I had insane Instant Chemistry wih one of them. My guy was acting all the centre of attraction, and talking to everyone on the table especially women, i wasnt bothered but at some point i flt misplaced ,suddenly that guy whom had no idea that I'm dating his friend came and sat next to me and asked me abou my work and life etc it was fusional and the attraction was out of this world.. We both felt the intellectual harmony and chemistry between us. Fast forward my guy and I left And on the way we had a clash again , i simply mntioned tht i felt he was too flrtatious and i felt alone., and he travelled immediately without even trying to talk to me. Few weeks later I bumped into this guy again, let's call him Fred and we were so happy to see each other again, he asked me if I'm dating eddy and I told him that I have no news from him, and we started hanging out almost daily with other friends. Till one day eddy reappeared saying that he misses me and wants to rekindle. I was reluctant yet he kept texting and calling and asked insistenly for another chance. Fred and I were developing an emotional bond but we never talked about it, fast forward we slept together and confessed that we have feelings but since his friend eddy told him he still wAnts me he decided not to give it a try but ept on texting me daily and telling me tht he cnt live without me. later i found out that eddy was cheating on me when we were dating and now he's chasing another girl, but yet wants me back and apparently is blocking Fred from being with me although none of us spoke about it. I feel hurt , so hurt that eddy lied and yet is blocking my happiness. Am I wrong to be in love with his friend? Please dear aunts help me. What shall I do? My friends are telling me that it's vey wrong to fall in love with my ex's friend... But my ex was a cheater and a player. Help please.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I can understand why you would feel frustrated as Eddy cheated on you and never treated you well and now he is preventing Fred and you being happy. I do understand why you feel like this is unfair. But really this is something that has to be decided between you and Fred. He needs to make the decision on what is more important to him, you or his friendship with Eddy.
In the mean time I suggest you stop all contact with Eddy, tell him it is completely over and never contact you again. Then talk to Fred and tell him how you feel, but also be understanding towards him, tell him you realise Eddy is his friend and he is in a difficult situation and tell him it is his choice if he wants to be with you or not and leave it at that.
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