A
female
age
41-50,
*il Mack
writes:I met my boyfriend almost a year ago. We worked at he same company but not necessarily on the same "team" or "job". We never crossed paths until a group of co-workers all went out to a new bar opening and we finally met. I am 32. He is 52. He was married at the time we met but after we became friends and eventually fell in love (about four (4) months later) he decided after 28 years to divorce his wife. He stated after all that time together and after living in silence for so long he was going to leave his wife for me. Neither of us wanted the affair, not did it intentionally, but it did happen at our wills.He finally told his wife about us but he said he needed to do the right thing and try to work it out with her. He dumped me even though he said he was in love with me. After all of about 4 weeks, she gave up and filed for divorce. Another 5 and a half months goes by and they finally agree to a divorce settlement. About a week later from the divorce being finalized (about 3 weeks ago from today) and me waiting close to a year, he told me he may leave the country to work over-seas due to the economy.He can't accept how much I have been through emotionally to be with him through "US" having the affair to the completion of the divorce and now when we finally have a real chance to move forward we are at another road block.In addition, in the past few months he has stopped calling me, going to lunch with me, texting me like he used to. I got laid-off in December 08 but he promised me things would not change. We used to call each other 5-10 times a day and text the same if not more just to arouse or tease each other. We went to lunch at least 4 out of 5 days per week. He was the one who initiated most of it, but now he doesn't do any of it at all.I am getting obsessed about it and I keep asking him to tell me what is going on but he refuses to get into detail about it.I know and understand it is new to be in the dating world after all this time but I am starting to feel like just a long-term rebound. We have amazing sex, but all the rest has fallen apart.What do I do? I love him more than anybody I have ever been with. I have thought about leaving him but I get so devastated just to think about leaving him that it tears me apart. I am so lonely, scared, depressed, and ashamed and don't know what to do.I have a 7 yr old and I know I am not being a good mother when I am obsessing over him. I try to be active with my kid, but it's hard when my heart seems to be breaking 24-7.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): It's Lil Mack (who wrote this question). Since late last night and this question posting today I have received three (3) honest, heart-wrenching, but all similar statements which is what I pretty much already knew.
I received a text from him early this morning stating that he was feeling too sick to go to work. He started getting sick yesterday morning when he woke up here with me but he still went out until last night and didn't call me until almost 11:oo pm cause he was out drinking, dining, and talking with the company he may go to work for (most likely) over seas. It was out with the same person two (2) nights earlier doing the same.
Anyway, I finally called him almost 11:00 am this morning to check on him and see if there was anything I could get for him but he just snapped at me and said he was trying to sleep. Again, I called at 2:30 pm and he said he was still sleeping and snapped at me again when all I was doing was trying to see how he was and let him know if he needed something even though we live about 30 minutes away from each other and I have my daughter I was there for him. He just got pissed at me for waking him up and I just said fine; good-bye.
He called me about an hour later and was a little more calm. I offered to get him anything (food, medicine, etc.) but he refused my help and said he would call later on tonight.
So hard to feel that I am going to have to say good-bye to him permanently, but 3 out of 3 tells me I pretty much do. I have lost my job, I am about to loose my place to live and my car, I have lost my pride completely, so once I loose him I only have my daughter left to possibly loose, especially if I have no place to live.
I appreciate all of your thoughts and your blessings and taking the time to read and respond to me. Your time means alot to me. I wish you all the best in your lives.
Thank you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): He was obviously in a stale unhappy marriage when you met him and you were the breath of fresh air that he needed to spice up his life. You were more exciting than his wife and of course there's the 'forbidden fruit' aspect that made an affair a lot more exciting than his marriage.
Now that he finds himself single once more he's probably checking out what else is on offer out there and is spreading his wings rather more widely. The world is now his oyster and it looks like he's cooled off with you and put you on the back burner - if not turned the gas off completely.
A 20 year age gap is quite large, and I wonder if he sees some problem with that. After all, when he's aged 70 and tending his rose garden you'll still be in your prime and wanting to do things and go places that don't interest him at all. You'll still be wanting sex on a regular basis and he'll be well past his prime, if not in a nursing home somewhere with you visiting him a couple of times a week.
I really think in the long run you would be better off looking for a relationship with someone closer to your own age, someone you can grow old together with, and share the same interests and joys of life with. I'm not saying large age-gap relationships can't work, but you've got the odds of a happy one stacked against you right from the start.
You've enjoyed each other for the last year, so instead of making yourself miserable pining after him, look back on that year with a smile on your face, a year of fond memories to be treasured, but now I think it's time for you to move on with your life and stop hoping for something that is not meant to be.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 It sounds like he used you as his crutch while he was going through problems in his marriage and his divorce. I wonder if he hadnt already considered divorce from his wife before he met you. At some point he must have had feelings for you, but now that he is free he probably doesnt want any committments and wants to play the field. I think that you must consider the fact that he no longer wants to be with you, and he has found other interests. You need to stop being available for sex for him, and if he wants to be with you then fair enough, but he must make some sort of committment. By him not wanting to discuss it means he has no intention of making your relationship work. I know it is easy for me to say move on with your life, but Sweetie, I think that this man is not going to be around for you much longer. Sorry!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 April 2009):
Well it does appear that he's cooled off.
It's easy for me to assume the worst about him as I don't know him, but yes, you could have been a rebound if the marriage was over in his head but not in reality.
You could also have been young and very exciting when you were a mistress, but now you are wanting to be his next wife (in his mind) and form a serious relationship, you are no longer as attractive.
I think you need to do what the Russians do and hope for the best but always plan for the worst.
So tell him that since he seems to have gone off you, you are going to try and get over him. Tell him you've waited this long so it'll break your heart if you waste any more time and then he goes away.
If you are wrong and he does want you then he should come chasing after you. But make sure he's chasing YOU and not just sex. Get some form of commitment out of him.
But there is a good chance that he's say "ok fair enough. Bye then!" and that will hurt a LOT but at least you will know sooner rather than later and will be able to move on.
I'm sorry this is happening to you hun. But be strong and take control of the situation. He's single now so you don't have to wait for him or let him set a time scale because of circumstance. Things are no longer out of his control so you can tell him to shape up or ship out.
Good Luck!! xx
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