A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have this problem and it’s more of an emotional problem. My boyfriend and I have been happily dating for almost a year. During that time, my ex has been talking to me a lot and begging for me back because he hasn’t given up on me. He doesn’t do it everyday but at least a couple times a month. The trouble I'm having is that I still have feelings for my ex. I love my boyfriend, but I still have small feelings for my ex. I want to talk to my ex a lot and always have the urge to. Everytime I want to have a nice conversation with my ex, he ruins it by saying he still loves me and asks if I will take him back. I say no but he still wants me to call him to talk and he says that he’s there for me. I don’t call my ex or ever say I love him back, but I still want to talk to him no matter what he says. I know in my heart that I won’t ever go back together with him because of the person he is. My boyfriend is the best person to me. He’s smart, caring, treats me awesome, and I'm so happy when I'm with him. I guess my question is, how I can have a good relationship with my boyfriend if I still want to talk to my ex? Sure I don’t love my ex, but I want him in my life and he will never want to just be friends. I can’t stop saying hi to my ex online. I just get the urge to see how he’s doing because I care about him like a friend. Just because he wasn’t a good boyfriend to me doesn’t mean he’s not a good friend and I love to hear his voice because I have good memories of him. Should I tell my ex how I'm feeling?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Ok its normal to still care about your ex but he still loves you and it is hard for him. So i think the best thing you can do is to sacrifice talking to him its for his own good, its kinder to him than to keep in contact with him even though you know he wants you back. You need to say to him you cant be friends anymore until he takes the time out to get over you. Friendship will never work if he still wants you back because it will just hurt him even more and prolong his pain you need to let him go and give him time to heal and move on and maybe down the future when he has found happiness with someone else then you can both be friends.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Oh boy... you are reliving my life! I broke up with my exboyfriend for my current boyfriend over 4 years ago. My ex couldnt stop calling me and coming to my house and all sorts of stuff. He promised me he just wanted to be friends, something my new boyfriend wasnt so cool with and said probably wasnt possible. My ex was my first love and I his. We tried to make it work as friends but it always came back to him saying he loved me and couldnt just be friends. Once, for a week when my boyfriend was out of town I tried sooooo hard to prove that we could be just friends and it blew up in my face. I told my boyfriend all about it when he got back and he almost left me right there. At that point I knew I HAD to stop all contact with him. No more phone calls, emails, nothing. I blocked him online and even his profiles were blocked from my router so I couldnt tempt myself.
That was over 4 years ago.
To this day, I still write him maybe once or twice a year to see how he is doing and he usually writes back. Sometimes I think of things I want to tell him so badly because I know hed laugh or appreciate it but I dont. I still care about him but he had his chance and wasnt worth losing the most amazing man Id ever met over.
So, please before its too late. Just stop talking to him. Tell him why first and explain you care a lot about him but cant talk to him anymore. For one, you are making it IMPOSSIBLE for him to move on. To a guy, when you show you care, even if you express its not romantic anymore, they think there is still a chance, which is why he keeps telling you he loves you. You are hurting him even if you arent meaning to at all. So for his sake, your sake, and you boyfriends sake, stop the contact now. I know its hard but you will never move on and neither will he if you dont.
Your ex obviously cant be just friends and its not your choice anymore to have him there as a friend. He wont go for that so you have to choose between him or your boyfriend. He may be a better friend than boyfriend in your eyes but if he doesnt see it that way, then you its not fair of you to try and make him fit what you want. I know its hard but you already broke up with him a year ago so it will be manageable.
It will get easier for you once you stop contact too. Even 4 years later I still think of my ex like I said but very rarely and its not painful anymore.
Im talking from my experience and yours is obviously different in some ways but it really did save everyone so much trouble for me. It was so hard to do at the time but in retrospect, I should have stopped even sooner than 3 months. It was the best move for my current relationship which is still amazing even after all these years.
I wish you the best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): well you can not (FIGHT) your heart as it will always win.. just make sure what ever you pick it's the right thing..
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