A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been best friends with a guy who i'll call jake, jake and i have been best friends for a little over four years. last year jake and i messed around and got serious but it didn't work because we had so much drama and we ended up not talking for six months. we started talking again and he now has a girlfriend but the love is still there. we've always loved eachother but now its to the point where we can't fight it. we always talked about getting married and we probably will due to the fact i wouldn't want to marry anyone besides my best friend. i asked him if he would break up with his girlfriend, i know this was a selfish thing to do and i should have never asked but i really can't stand the thought of another woman kissing him sleeping with him or just being able to call him hers thats not me. he said he couldn't just randomly break up with her because it wouldn't be right. i guess this makes sense but i mean he says he loves me and wants to be with me its just that i'm leaving in a few months to go to college 3,000 miles away and he says he knows he would miss me so much and it wouldnt work because we'd loose touch... he also said he'd wait until i got back because he is not marrying anyone else but me and he even told my mother this and he always ask if i will wait for him and of course i will i love him. also i was thinking of just going to school in my home state only if he breaks up with his girlfriend but i'm not telling him this... we've hungout and we didn't go anything because he's not a cheater and i won't let him cheat because i'd feel horrible and i already do because i feel like its not fair to this girl who btw he won't tell me anything about... besides she's not the girl he's going to marry. he wrote a paper about me and it was the sweetest thing anyones ever said. i'm so conflicted i don't know what to do it's driving me crazy and he just says he wants to think he doesn't want to break another heart but what about how i feel and how this is seriously driving me mad... am i being selfish should i stop talking to him or what? thanks for taking the time to read this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for the advice he actually came over last night and told me he has no choice but to break up with her because it's to the point where he doesn't care what he does with me. i still feel horrible and everytime i would tell him to forget about it he would just tell me to keep loving him... i hate to break up a relationship but i almost feel it was out of my hands. thank you so much.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):
I'm a 26 years old male.
"i asked him if he would break up with his girlfriend "
Wow, that is very straight forward . Listen, we guys are kind of indecisive, and some of us, have a kind heart. That means, it is a BIG ISSUE for us breaking a heart. We can't just go around saying "you know what, lets break up. Another woman wants me more". I know some guys do that, but your friend looks like a gentleman. So, try not to push him very much about this.
If you need to go "3,000 miles away" to study, just go ahead and do it. Long distance relationships are VERY, VERY, VERY painful, it doesn't matter if its just 300 miles... I bet you a 1,000,000 dollars that you'll met someone as good as him. You are young and beautiful, and there will be many handsome guys out there.
"i being selfish should i stop talking to him or what?"
Yes, you are being selfish, but its not wrong always being selfish. I would suggest you to talk every day to him about this issue. Don't pressure him, and don't try to force him to do things he will later regret. Just talk, and brainstorm ideas of what to do on a piece of paper. You'll surely get to an answer to this dilemma.
WARNING: Whatever he decides, do not hate him for it.
Best luck!
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