A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In love with my best friend's ex-girlfriendIt's taken me some time to realize this but I am in love with my best friend's ex-girlfriend.The thing is, I am reasonably sure that she has no interest in me at all, she sees me as one of her best friends, as a "big brother", not as boyfriend material.Not to mention the fact that she is my best friend's ex (who is also my room mate).What makes the situation even worst is that the 3 of us all hang out together and my best friend and the ex now have a "friends with benefits" type of relationship. I go mad with jealousy when they touch eachother, since they are supposed to be broken up and my best friend already has a new girlfriend (which she knows about)My best friend really doesn't care for this girl but puts on a show for her when she's around and it is obvious that she still has feelings for him (he broke up with her). He is just using her and he doesn't appriciate her for who she is.I've never been in love before and only now do I understand when they say emotional pain is far more painful than physical. I know she is the one for me, but I don't want to risk ruining my friendship with her and my best friend by telling her how I feel. At the same time I am going insane not being able to share my feelings with her.The obvious logical solution to this problem would be to forget about her but I can't do that, I care about her more than I've ever cared about anyone. I know I am the one for her. She just doesn't realize it. What could I do to make myself not love her anymore?
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male
reader, Justin_Asap +, writes (25 November 2010):
I'm having a little bit of the same and different issue... Except she's told me she likes me and I had sexual relations with my best friends ex he doesn't no... They used to be friends with benifits untill recently and I didn't care untill her an I started hanging out alone and getting friendly.. I'm worried my friend will find out but I don't like hiding it at the same time so from reading reviews best solution sounds like wait and see try to sons more alone time with her and if things progress then ask her out and tell my freind what's been goin on .. Idk if this is helpful to you because my friend might be a bit more understanding than yours I am not sure.
A
male
reader, Justin_Asap +, writes (25 November 2010):
I'm having a little bit of the same and different issue... Except she's told me she likes me and I had sexual relations with my best friends ex he doesn't no... They used to be friends with benifits untill recently and I didn't care untill her an I started hanging out alone and getting friendly.. I'm worried my friend will find out but I don't like hiding it at the same time so from reading reviews best solution sounds like wait and see try to sons more alone time with her and if things progress then ask her out and tell my freind what's been goin on .. Idk if this is helpful to you because my friend might be a bit more understanding than yours I am not sure.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): haha. dude im in the exact same boat. cept my best friend is still datin her. anyway man, this sucks alot doesnt it? u haf to ask ur self, do u rly want to 4get about her? also, just talk w/ur best friend n say tht u love her. maybe, JUST mayb, he'l understand. and now with the girl, tell her how u feel. ONLY mayb she has the same feelings. but just tries to hide it.im not tellin u tht u must listen to me, but this is my suggestion
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): haha. dude im in the exact same boat. cept my best friend is still datin her. anyway man, this sucks alot doesnt it? u haf to ask ur self, do u rly want to 4get about her? also, just talk w/ur best friend n say tht u love her. maybe, JUST mayb, he'l understand. and now with the girl, tell her how u feel. ONLY mayb she has the same feelings. but just tries to hide it.im not tellin u tht u must listen to me, but this is my suggestion
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A
female
reader, richka +, writes (31 July 2007):
this is what you do ask your ex-girl friend if it all rigth to date her then see if she likes you so you dont get rejected then date her if yes no find a new crush
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A
female
reader, dott +, writes (31 July 2007):
First of all, you may think that you are in love with this person but it may not be love but infatuation. Because you’ve never been in love before you may not know the difference. I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years now and all the times before when I thought I was in love I wasn’t. You can’t say you know she is the one for you because you haven’t even went on a date. People look different when you aren’t dating them. Especially when you see them as someone being used and feeling sorry for them.
If she is still having a “friend with benefits” type of relationship she’s probably still stuck on her ex and she won’t be able to move on. This is not the best time to approach her. If you want a serious shot at this don’t say anything now because if she’s at all upset or wants to get back at her ex she will only use you. And if she doesn’t use you for that she’ll use you to try to get over him and that is not what you want. Your friend sounds like an ass for using her but it is their friendship/relationship and she is her own person. She’s making her own decisions. As unwise as they may be they are still her decisions.
The best you can do is be her friend right now. She seems like she needs up to build up her self esteem to move on. She may have feelings for you later when she stops focusing on your room mate but the truth is she probably won’t even give you a fair chance if you say something now because she’s not over him. Don’t worry about your room mate. If the two of you decide that you have feelings for each other, remember a relationship isn’t a one way thing, then don’t worry about your friend. He doesn’t care about her anyways.
This line scares me: “I know I am the one for her. She just doesn't realize it.” She is the only person that can know who is right for her. And you might be but just because you think you are right for her doesn’t mean she will now or ever think the same way.
Anyway the only way at this point you can stop “loving” her is to distance yourself from her. Not forever but for a few months until your emotions dye down, and they do. And if they don’t then maybe by that time she’ll be ready to hear what you have to say.
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A
female
reader, X....Barbie....X  +, writes (31 July 2007):
Hello well i have been in that situation before and i understand what your going through and how tought this is. It seems to me like your so worried about your best friend knowing but he obviously doesnt care anymore if he just uses her, hes moved on and if you really think she could be the one than go for it i think you should tell her first and explain to her that its no lie and you cant stand keeping it in the dark any longer . Than see what she says but stop worrying about what your best friend wil think im sure he will be fine just be honest Good luck i hope yu write back to tell me the good news x
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