A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so heres the dealI love my best friend (female) and I have done for a few years now to be honest. I'm really not a confident guy, but about 18 months ago I finally grew a pair and asked her out. I was so sure that she would say yes and every time i'd played the conversation out in my head I thought it would work perfectly. So as you can guess I was absolutely crushed when she said she didn't want to ruin our friendship.I couldn't accept that though, i'd loved her (strong words i know, but it is how i feel) for so long and had never had the guts to tell her. I desperately wanted this to work and I eventually brought out the "look into my eyes and tell me you've never had feelings for me" line. She couldn't look at me when I asked that and I only heard a quiet "I don't" before I had to walk away.About a month later she started seeing someone from our group of friends, who, to be honest, most of us don't really like. I have absolutely no idea what she sees in him and neither do my other friends, but to this day she is still going out with him and I still love her, despite trying to fancy other girls, I always think of her and know I wouldn't be happy with anyone else.It has now got to the point where she feels it's ok to joke about me asking her out and it hurts for me to hear her joke about it, so much so that I had to tell her I wasn't comfortable with her doing that. She even told me that she lied when I asked her if she'd ever had feelings for me, but she didn't want me to try anything then.It hurts me to wake up every day and think about her and know that i'm not with her. I need to tell her I still love her. How should I go about this?PS. sorry for the essay, but its nice to get this off my chest.
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female
reader, XxHinkaixX  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Ok, I was in a similar situation, but now...I'm dating my best friend! He said he didn't date friends, and that he didn't like me... but here we are now...going out next saturday!
Girls dont like admitting their feelings as much as guys do...you may be putting some pressure on her.
Try waiting a while...(not too long) and start flirting with her...if she pulls back and seems creeped out, lay back. Girls dont want to hurt feelings, so they try to reject as 'nicely' as possible...so be prepared one way or another.
And I know how bad it hurts...waking up knowing your not with them. The easiest way to get over that, find a hobby. Art is relaxing, sports, video games? Something to get you mind off of her...hang out with friends, other than her. I know how bad you're hurting, but trust me...these feelings will go away!!
Good Luck~
A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Unfortunately when people decide to cross that friendship line is it almost impossible to get back to the way it was before without a few trials and tribulations on the way.
She may very well have some deeper feelings for you but doesn't want to ruin the good friendship that you have - a lot of relationships come to an end, and when they do, that's it, and that scares a lot of people half to death.
If she is now seeing someone, regardless of the reaction he gets from you and your friends, you have to respect that and let that relationship play out.
You don't have to look to date anyone else in the mean time but you do have to let her do what she has to do. If she has any feelings for you on that level then she will come back to you later, if you can take the chance and wait.
She really is out of line telling you that she lied about not feeling anything for you, especially when she is now in a relationship. That is detrimental to the guy she is with and it is hurtful to you.
She simply can not have her cake and eat it, so to speak, and if you are to remain friends she really has to forget about joking around with you about asking her out.
You need to just accept the fact that, for now, she is off limits. If her situation changes without you forcing the issue, then who knows what possibilities lie ahead.
I really do not think that you should tell her that you still love her, not unless you really want to make an all or nothing declaration because by telling her again, you are reinforcing the fact and she will no longer be able to skirt around the issue anymore and will have to choose. If she really doesn't have feelings for you then you will most likely be pushed aside in order for her current relationship to continue and for you not to get hurt. If she does have feelings for you then she might STILL push you aside in order not to hurt the person she is with now.
If you really, truly, just can't leave it be, then tell her, but don't make it a huge deal. There needs to be a level of respect there for the relationship she currently has, whether you like the other guy or not.
I would personally leave this well alone and concentrate on yourself for a while and see where the path leads in the future. I lost a good friend over a similar issue and wouldn't wish that on anybody else.
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