A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK so Im probably a bad person bit I am in love with my husbands friend. It happen 4 years ago. But before this I always had this attraction to him and we play flirted but I never thought he would let it go as far as it did or that I would. One night on my bday my hubby blows off my birthday no card no happy birthday not even an I love you that day. I was pissed. I went out with my friend that night and we got tipsy to say the least. We couldnt drive we called everybody including my hubby and family n other friends no one could get us. So I called him he comes and gets us and takes us to her house. I wanted to go home so we dropped her off and started toward my house. Well we didnt make it there I was really upset and honestly part of me wanted him to take me home and thats what he did. His intension was for me to sleep it off. well maybe more I dont know. We get there and things just start happening. We didnt talk after that for 4 months and then we hooked up again. He has called me since then and told me he was in love with me and thats why he cant come around my husband now. Thats right since all this happened he hasnt been around once. I know I totally ruined their relationship. But why cant i get him outta my mind I think about him everyday and it been 4 years. I mean all the time. I havent been able to make love to my husband without thinking about him. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): if he is making you so unhappy and you just cannot stand it any longer then you know what you have to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk maybe I should have given u my whole relationship first because you attacked me like I was a nasty hoe. I gave my relationship my all and it was throwin a away like garbage. If you could stand in my house one day you would see exactly what happens in my marriage and you would see exactly what I go through to keep this marriage together. WE e have been together for 9 years 7 years of marriage and two times I screwed up. But that doesnt make up for my husband screwing up 90% of the time. And why I stay with him is not for you to decide but for me I have been working on my marriage I still pray to god that he forgives me I came on here to be able to talk to somebody and get open advice which I would but you just seemed like a scorn person venting your hurt feelings onto me. No nobody is perfect and real life movie love doesnt exist. Everyone has problems and everybody get hurts but do not assume because I stated a bleep in my life where I failed that I am a complete failure. And I didnt need an excuse to sleep with him I wanted to I stated that. And yeah I was hurt and I wanted to feel special again. I told my husband that over and over when he missed my birthday, valentines day christmas ever year and I tried and tried. Ive been trying for 7 years and I got tired so what I was selfish for once in my life I didnt care about anyone but me. I wanted to be happy! I was thinking then and I still think to this day one day he will change and one day he will be the man I married. And if not I guess Im screwed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): you were flirting a lot with him before your birthday. your bday was just an excuse, you blame your husband for not making it special, well you made sure your husband's best friend made it special for you. in fact he was your present!
you hooked up again with him, what was your excuse then, first it was your husband's lack of making your bday special. what was the second occasion to celebrate?
at least this man had the decency to stay away from you after the second deed. at least he respected your husband as well. he knows that he did wrong, he knows that he had his friend's wife when he shouldn't. he made an error of judgment and did not want to act on it again. therefore he stayed away. you have always fancied your husband's best friend, if it was up to you , you would have continued irrespective of whether your husband go hurt or not.
four years later you still want him. is this fair to your husband? and to your marriage? you are not committed to your man, you are only concerned with what you cannot have. it's like a child that wants what it can't have.
if you do not love your husband, then leave. you are messing his life by just settling for him, instead of loving him totally.
you need to ask yourself, what is missing in your marriage, cann you re kindle it? do you want to? you are so young, yet you have chosen the path of indulging in forbidden fruit. How can you even look at your husband, knowing that you cheated on him with his best friend. you are ruining your marriage, you admit to ruining his friendship with this other man too. you will slowly destroy your man and yourself with this continued fantasy.
give yourself a mental shake - what do you want, your marriage or your husbands best friend? choose 1 then go out and find the happiness that is lacking in your life.
is the friend married, if he is, then you are heading for more trouble.
do you have kids? what about their lives you will be ruining?
either way make a choice and stick with it. if you do choose your marriage then you have to give it your all. stop blaming your husband and his shortcomings, accept responsibility for your actions and start living an honest existence. you have survived 4 years without his friend, surely it is not meant to be. If you really feel that you have lost 4 years and want to be with hubby's friend, then make a clean break. Just do not lay blame elsewhere.
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