A
male
age
41-50,
*ovecrazy2008
writes:I have been dating my gf for a while now(plus 5 years) and I really love her, but over the past year I have been seeing another girl. This other girl has the best sex I ever had, better than my gf. I have falling for the other girl basically due to the great sex we have, she also has good looks just like my gf. The only different is that this girl has kids. I enjoy the sex me and this girl have. I'm now in the situation where I love both, my gf and the side girl. I'm to the point where I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm selling my self short because the side girl has kids and I don't have any. I know eventually I need to make a decision, but I'm totally at a stand still. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I've already posted. And I know you came here for answers, but I just have to say one more thing about this and, then I'll try to help out (don't know if I can).
You say you help these women out and you've been a good guy and you're not a monster. I won't take that away from you. That IS very thoughtful and caring of you, and I'm sure the women appreciate it, and I'm sure you have good intentions when you do THOSE things for these women.
However. I think a mentally healthy and confident woman would agree with me here. If you were my bf, and you were selfless in that you did all these things for me and helped me out when I needed help, AND you were secretly sleeping with some other woman --I would say SEE YA.
Of course people are going to be grateful to anyone who helps out, but don't try to justify it. You're comparing apples to oranges, and there is not a healthy confident woman out there that would put up with the cheating for a helping hand (if they can help it).
ALRIGHT. So which woman? Well, for starters, you can't want to be with the woman because of the length of time you spent with her. Then you might as well marry your girlfriend right now because the longer you stay with her, the longest relationship it will be.
I don't think you'll find an answer beyond that here. You've already spent a year cheating, I really hope the women can forgive you enough to want to stay with you. And I hope you don't have anymore overlaps again (how did you even begin anyway?)
Good luck.
A
male
reader, lovecrazy2008 +, writes (10 January 2011):
lovecrazy2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what you guys are saying, but the things that i do for both woman are more than you will ever realize, I may be selfish for dating both, but I have help both females out when they were emotional distress as well as financial distress so me being a monster is not even close. Yes i agree i need to end it with one, but I'm sure which one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): well, if I'm honest with you. it sounds like all you care about is sex.
and if your cheating on your girlfriend she deserves way better. You cant love someone and cheat on them, if you really loved her you wouldn't go sleeping with other lady's.
and also if this lady has children she will properly deserve better than some person that cheated on their own girlfriend (who he clams to love) with them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): WOW. I would hate to be your gf. What did you just write: "Since I've been with her the longest, I think I'm going to stick with her."
Do me a favor. If you ever decide to get married to her, and you write your own vows, make sure you throw that one in there. Awww, so sweet.......
(You don't respect either girl. You don't see them as whole women if it comes down to the sex. You love a person regardless and you don't hurt them deliberately by lying and cheating).
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A
male
reader, lovecrazy2008 +, writes (10 January 2011):
lovecrazy2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso what to do i do if the sex is better than my gf sex, my gf sex is good, but the other girl sex is amazing. I know my gf is better for me, because I been with her for the longest.
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A
male
reader, lovecrazy2008 +, writes (10 January 2011):
lovecrazy2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it not that simple, I love my gf very dearly and do not want to just throw it away that easy. The girl on the side yes i love her also, but i know i can't have both woman. Since i been with my gf the longest, I think I'm going to stick with her, but the side girl sex is just so good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Well, deciding between the two is important before you get caught out and the decision is made for you. Imagine if that were to happen, which one would you hope to keep. While you can get away having both girls, I don't think you'll make that choice. So be warned you are risking losing them both. So decide. Love, not sex, should be important. Sex fades, love doesn't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): You need to stop being so selfish. It's selfish of you to cheat on your girlfriend. If you cared about your other woman you would stop having an affair with her because she has kids you're helping her to cheat on her innocent kids. And you feel you're "selling yourself short" because your other woman has kids and you don't? WTF?? do other people's feelings mean nothing to you? please break up with both women, you are not boyfriend-material so you should not be stringing both women along.
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