A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm new to this site, but it seems like it has a pretty active community, full of helpful people. I'm curious to see what other people think about a situation of mine. I have very strong feelings for a friend of mine. If it's not love, I'm not really sure what love could be. I think about her every day.I've known this girl for almost two years now. I met her when I left home to go to college. I remember that from pretty much as soon as I met her, I was very attracted to her. She is very beautiful, but it's not just for her looks. She has a very unique outlook on life, and a sort of contagious enthusiasm that I enjoy getting to be around and experience. When I first met her, we spent a lot of time together. However, I believe that I put her off to me, by coming on too strongly. When I met her, I was dealing with a lot of grief and emotional issues (my dad had passed away a few months beforehand). I'm kind of embarrassed by the way I acted when we first met. Anyways, after knowing her for about two months (I know, way too long, but once again I wasn't in a very good place), I finally made a half-assed attempt to gauge her interest in a relationship. Needless to say, she wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea, and gave me the "I like us as friends" shpeal. She eventually got into a relationship with a different guy. She was always on my mind, and I would therefore feel very depressed from knowing that she didn't care about me in that way. Eventually, after a few months, I was finally able to pick myself up, dust myself off, and become interested in a different girl. We dated for a while, but things didn't work out, and we separated. While I was doing my own thing, my friend and her boyfriend grew apart, and broke up.Since this point (about a year ago), we've both remained single. I attempted to distance myself from her, so that I could move on past my unrequited feelings. I thought that I was over everything, but in the last couple months, we started to spend some time together again. At first everything was fine, but over the last few weeks, I've felt my old attraction for her rising again. I wouldn't be asking this question if I hadn't thought quite a lot about what to do. I do feel like there's something there (slight tension between us, making eye contact for a more pronounced amount of time, etc). However, I'm not really sure if this is just me feeling things that aren't there, as I tend to have a somewhat intimidating personality anyway. I'm not a very showy emotional person.I tend to be a very decisive person, however this one situation has really got me reeling. It takes me a long time to get close to people, and I honestly don't know how this girl got under my skin so easily. I've been attracted to several different women since meeting her, but despite getting over all of those attractions rather easily (including the girl I dated recently), my attraction to her has persistently remained. I desperately want to tell her how I feel, I want to shout from the tops of mountains, "I Love You!". However, that's probably not the best way to go about this, hahaha. The situation is slightly more complicated than me just simply being rejected, however. She and I, along with numerous other people I am friends with, are all planning on living together in a large house off-campus next year. My decisions could potentially create an awkward dynamic, since we'll be living in the same place. I'm at the point now though, where the urge to tell her is really overpowering.I'm not really asking whether or not I should tell her how I feel, I'm already set on doing this. I'm not going to see her this summer (I'm going back home, I'll be returning next fall), so I'm just going to enjoy my summer at home for now. If I still have feelings for her when we see each other again, I'll find a way to tell her then. My question is, does anyone have any advice for me? How should I go about telling her? Should I tell her in person, or should I write her a letter, or something else like that? I'm determined to let her know, but I want to let her know in the way that is most favorable to us actually starting a relationship (its probably not a good idea for me to serenade her outside her open bedroom window haha). Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): I can relate to how you feel. Since you've made up your mind I wish you the best of luck in conveying your feelings to her and I hope for the best.
I guess any way that u choose to convey your feelings would prolly be better than your previous attempts.
You should do some more internet research on perhaps writing a love letter. You may not intend on writing a letter but the planning for writing the letter can be applied to any other way you choose to convey your feelings.
I can't say which medium is best...usually it depends on the person you are confession to and what you think they would prefer...after all part of love is knowing who you are loving.
Good luck either way, I think a love letter or confident face to face special occasion scenario will work.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (4 May 2010):
 "I've been attracted to several different women since meeting her, but despite getting over all of those attractions rather easily (including the girl I dated recently), my attraction to her has persistently remained. "
The major reason for why you are still attracted to her is because she turned you down, and so you never got to experience having a relationship with her. You were left with the feelings for her, and nothing that happened made them go away.
As you said youself, you're nor really sure how you feel about her, if it is love or not. She has gotten under your skin, for some reason. You liked her. You were possibly in love with her. And likely, until you have a huge fight with her and get to see her ugly side, your mind will continue to glorify her.
The danger how having a passion for someone you don't really know in that context (you were never her boyfriend or even best friend), is that people tend to start glorifying. She never did anything bad, she never hurt you really, she is the one that got away, the one you have all these fantasies and ideas about what it would like to be with.
If you ended up in a relationship with her it is just as likely that you will end up not working out as it would with any other girl.
That was just to give you a warning: your head might be playing tricks on you and this girl might not be all that you think she is.
But, say she is the love of your life and you want to tell her. I will say that I think it is a bad idea to wait until after summer. By the she could have already gotten together with someone else. And by fall you will be living together and things will be tense and unpleasant should she reject you again. Plus, if you really DO love her, you will still love her after summer! "If I still have feelings for her when we see each other again, I'll find a way to tell her then." Im one of those people who believe that if you truly love someone, you will always love them. But I am also one of those people who believe that true love can only be between two people who both love each other! Anything else I would call admiration at best.
But if you are absolutely sure this is how you feel, the only proper and non cheesy way to go about it is to tell her in person. And don't make it sound like you are proposing, be cool about it or you will make her run away from you.
Sorry if I come off as negative, I can only comment based on what you decided to write. And you don't seem so sure about your feelings for her as you might think you are. Just make sure that you are in fact sure if you intend to tell her. Becuase after you said those three words, there's no taking them back.
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