A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me... I've been with my partner for a year now. We used to get on like a house on fire and we could go out and always have a great time. She has never been a brilliant drunk and for the last 4 or 5 months we fallen out a lot more when drink is involved. Several things have been eating away at me recently and I fear I don't love her in the same way anymore. She has said some foul things to me including 'why am i with you, youre so stupid' 'I love you, but I'm not in love anymore' which she later said she didn't mean.... Then the worst has to be over bank holiday we had her friends round the house, she was drunk and because I wouldn't go and get ready to go out when she said she made a scene and broke up with me.. Telling her friends she was single and was going out to find someone else... It was very humiliating for me to go through that with her friends there. She sees her friends whenerver she wants but when I want to talk to mine, she accuses me of always being on my phone! I can't win and I just can't seem to get those bad times out my mind. I think it would be better for the both of us if I just walk away..... It will be so difficult but I do think we just aren't as compatible as we first thought. Any advice would be welcome... Please :( x
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female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I agree with the other people it may be time to call it a day if nothing changes, but have you sat down with her, when she hasnt been drinking, told her exactly how you feel, what you want to change and if it does not what will happen? If not maybe you should give the two of you that chance, if you already have and nothings changed then yea if i was you i would leave as you deserve more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Drinks a terrible thing and your girlfriend isn't a nice drunk. You seem to take the brunt of her bad side and I don't see any reason why you should
Walk away and leave her to sort her life out, let somebody else take the insults. Its going to wear you down and take away your self esteem so just isnt a healthy relationship.
I was with a bad drunk and he always made out he didnt recall the things he said...so one night I taped him when he was 'having a go'..then explained next day that was why I had reached the end of my tether - and I walked away.Hes still drinking, but it was no longer my problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): yes definitely you should leave her, she's no good for you.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky  +, writes (2 October 2011):
If she can see her alcoholism as a problem for the growth and communication of the relationship then I would suggest talking and taking one day at a time. It's okay to drink but in excess is when the problems begin. All relationships have issues, and about the double standard I can do this but you can't behavior is not healthy for the relationship. Your relationship is very workable, but it requires both of you to negotiate/compromise your desires for the greater good of the relationship. Boundaries will have to be implemented. Her drinking below your limit of drunkenness, her allowing you the freedom to have and enjoy your own friends and phone conversations. Make more dates with her get out and rekindle your passion for her. Also she may ask for you to change some things as well, look forward to it and be reasonable with her. The first few weeks there will be accidents/premeditated events that will be exactly what you both agreed against, try to be hopeful and forgiving. Relationships take work, just tweek it a little bit to where you're feeling complete and happy. Best wishes
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