A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am just in a fix! i honestly dont know what to do,i hope to get help from anyone, the thing is, im in a relationship, but with my cousin, 1st cousin, i love him alot ever since we were small. and then back in december 2006 i told him how i felt and i was shocked cause he felt the same way to, weve been with each other for 3 years now . we are like soo close we have so much in common we practically grew up with each other we hang out alot because my parents hang out with his alot to... hes from my dads side. We love each other so much, Tell each other everything we are there for each other. The thing is we dont know how to tell our parents yet, we will wait for when the time is right. buht right now i wonder should i keep continueing wats going on. hes my cousin and my love of my life I simply cant live witout him..i just dont know what to do.someone please help me!thank you
View related questions:
cousin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lilypad2220  +, writes (14 May 2009):
Hi, i am in the same situation as many of you. I met my cousin when i was 7 and he was always on my mind even as a 7 year old kid. But I lived in the US and he lived in iran. So after the visit i didnt seen him till i was 13 when his family moved to america. It was a shock to me that they come. But i competely fell in love, but the moved to a city 4 hrs away. so everytime they visit i get sooo happy and nothing else in the world mattered. He was sooo innocent cute, i loved his attitude he was loyal and nothing like american guys. He is three years older so i was 15 and he was 17, and we started to talk over the phone. He visited and stayed couple weekends but we never told anyone. We never did anything bad and didnt kiss tell 5 months we started to be together. But we been together almost four years and its been a big struggle and its all about the phone and computer, and we barely spent any alone time. But i keep thinking ill talk to my parents later or when i did and it didnt go through, id keep trying. but we tried so much that he eventually he gave up but im still stuck in love and in the same place. There were things that drove me to crazy things a couple times to call him so many times in a night cuz i was so upset or one night at a family even i got drunk. I think it pushed him over the edge. It was a terrible feeling and falling out and i just blocked everything , and we started up again afor a lil while and he finally said i love you again but he came down recently in winter for a family thing and stayed for almost a week. We had some time alone but not really and went to the movies , we stuck off and we did a lot of stuff we never did and we have alot of sexual chemistry and it was amazing but we shouldnt have gone that far. After that he told me we should stop talking and relationship go our own way and if it was meant to be then it was. Well we are still talking as friends, there is always sumthing there but it kills me that i cant call him anymore whenever i want. And he doesnt always pcik up or he never says i love you or he has new girls in his life. This whole situation changed his sweet attitude and he is more realistic and into girls an girls now. I miss him badly and i wish it could have worked out but my parents wouldnt allow it. i know its hard but stop the head ache b4 your heart is broken. Because we were so close that now i lost all my dreams, still madly in love with him, and have no one to really talk to about this. I wish a miracle could happen and we could be together without shame. I really love him he is amazing and i believe we make a great couple. But deep down i still believe , so hopefully it will happen.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): WELL I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION I CAME TO MEXICO FOR VACATION AND I MEET MY COUSIN AND WELL AT FIRST WE DID NOT EVEN TALK TO EACH OTHER UNTIL ONE NIGHT I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT AND IT TURN OUT THAT HE FELLS THE SAME WAY EVERSEENS THAT DAY WE BEEN TOGETHER MORE BUT TODAY HE KISSED ME IN THE LIPS WHEN WE WERE ALON HE KISSED ME LIKE TWO TIMES AND WELL I LET HIM AND WE BOTH LIKED IT BUT WE CAN'T SPEND ALOT OF TIME KISSING OR JUST TALKING BECAUSE WE ARE AFRAID WERE GOING TO GET COUGHT AND WE DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A FAMILY PROBLEM AND OUR LOVE SEEMS PRETTY STRONG BUT THERE IS ANOTHER PROBLEM I AM TO YOUNG I AM 14 AND HE IS 16 BUT THIS LOVE IS STRONGER THAN ANYTHING AND WELL I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR PARENTS THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR LOVE IS STRONGER THAT ANYTHING
...............................
A
female
reader, Abby8 +, writes (1 April 2009):
I am in am in the same situation. I have been dating my cousin since 1998 until now. 11 years.. We have putting it of by telling our parents. Just to let you know is that there is no right time. I am now expecting his baby which has made it even more difficult to tell our parents.
His parents are more easy going --we will soon go talk to them. My father who I think will have a much harder time -- I think I will also talk to him and also write him a letter.
Honestly, things are just too complicated and very stressful because of this situation, i don't know what to do anymore. I have stress out so much about it and wonder if this is all worth it.
Sometime I think and look back and wish I never started this.
Do you sacrifice your family for him. Some family member will accept it and some will never accept it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): This is what we did. We told our parents and they were completly shock. Before they start to yell at us was we ran away and fled to Mexico and stayed at our second cousin Pedro house. After we finished 11th grade we came back to Texas but our parents don't know we're here. Right now we're living with Pedro and his wife Claudia who are our "gardians". Its been about a year scince we talk to our parents but we're planning to visit them in May or after we finish high school this year.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow, You guys are simply the best, Thank you to everyone who gave me advice i really appriciate it,
& im in canada is it illegal to have a relationship with your 1st cousin? I dont think it is buht i just wanna say thanks
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): about a year ago I had a slight crush on my cousin and I think he felt the same but I never told him . I think you guys can stay in a loving realtionship and ask your parents how they feel about what they think about it and go from there....
hope that helped a little :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): you could continue to love each other but go your separate ways. Im in the same situatuion with my cousin. We both love eachother dearly and if we weren't cousins we'd probably be together now. along the way i think we realised that we don't have to have sex or be married or anything like that to love eachother.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): wow! i have this same thing with my second cousin!i know from experience because when we were young we always liked each other! we would never see each other much because we are second cousins but always kept in contact daily! im 18 right now and the love is still there! heck, we haven't even dated anyone because we love each other so much. im pretty sure i couldn't tell my family that i love her and there would never be a time to tell them without being shocked. i feel very deeply about her and im very sure that she is the love in my life. i can't live without her either!
i think its something about the month of march that is getting us. the love for my second cousin has always been there and for some reason i have been calling her more than usual in this month than any other month ( she calls me a lot and she has been noticing i have been calling about the same as she has been calling me).
its good in a way that i find other people are loving their cousins also! i thought i was the only one!
note: im between the ages 17-18 so im pretty sure we are on the same boat.
ill bookmark this so i can see other peoples post to this question.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): This is indeed a sticky situation.
Look, there is no way you tell your families that will make them any less shocked. I mean 1st cousins are illegal for a reason.
However you feel, it is highly unlikely that anyone with modern sensibilties will accept or condone your relationship, so you must be prepared to deal with this kind of blacklisting.
Best of luck to you.
Flynn 24
...............................
A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 It is custom in England and the USA to frown upon inter-family relationships, especially with someone as close as first cousins. I don't know how your parents think or what the general consensus where you live is, so i can't predict the initial reaction.
You obviously love your cousin very much and i can't say if it's right or wrong - but you only want to know how to tell your parents so you're obviously set on making this relationship work.
I think however you do it it's going to be a shock. Waiting until the 'right time' could be difficult because that's just another way of putting it off. I think you should get all the parents together in a calm environment and with a neutral party (such as a friend or sibling that knows and is okay with it) before telling them. Make sure you're both together when you tell both or either sets of parents, it won't be something either of you should go through alone. Together things will become a bit easier.
I hope things work out,
Miss Kin.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): First up, don't let anyone tell you that what your doing is ''wrong''. LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES.
However, many families thesedays are old fashioned and your family might look down on what you n your bf have, but to be honest, i bet they werent in a relationship for 3 years and still strong at your age.
Talk to your bf about it! not this site! dearcupid is great but i think you need to sort this one out for yourself, dont let yourself be pressured into keepin it secret or lettin it out in the open, it is up to you and your bf only.
...............................
|
