A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm in a really bad place right now. I'm 24, and when I left university, I taught English abroad to make money and met a Canadian guy who I really fell in love with. Long story short we stuck together from then on and I eventually came to Canada to be with him.We struggled to settle down, to get our lives started up etc., and we got married so that he could sponsor me to stay in the country. At the time, we told ourselves that we would have wanted to get married anyway, but that it was expedited because of the circumstances. That marrying would make things easier from an immigration point of view. We said that we would have a big, fancy wedding later with all our family present when we had more money and were more settled.So here I am and my status is still undecided (it takes AGES for them to process this stuff), I am working under the table at a job that I hate and that pays very little. Because of the economy, my husband lost his job and for a good while we have been going from one contract to another, one temp thing to the next.Basically, it's been incredibly stressful. We feel like we can never catch a break, never get our lives going, and money is ALWAYS a problem. This seems to have put a strain on our relationship. It feels like the love is slowing seeping out of our relationship. It's gotten to the point where I fantasize about suicide every day. We fight all the time. He feels confused, and boxed in, and I feel trapped too, and mad at him all the time.We talk about me going back home, but I don't feel like that is an option. We have sunk so much money into starting up our new life together. But, after almost a year trying, things just seem even more crappy than when we started.I feel like everyday I wake up, the situation has deteriorated more. When I met him, I felt like he was the love of my life. I feel so sad and bitter that things are falling apart now. I have never had my heart broken like this before, and I feel like I've really painted myself in a corner. I am in a foreign country with very little money and the only person I can lean on is drifting away from me :(I know this has been a long question. I just don't know if I have the courage to start again without him. I dread that one day he will tell me he doesn't love me anymore. What should I do?
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a break, fell in love, lost his job, money, trapped, university, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): Thank you so much for the reply, Griffo. I appreciate the time it took to write all that :)
Old guy, I think you're a little hostile. I know Canadians are proud of their country and that immigrant issues are sometimes a hot topic, but the reason I don't want to go home is because I CANT.
I suffered terribly there, I was the victim of three crimes in short succession, and many of my family members have since moved as well. It's an extremely difficult place to live, hence me moving, right?
I'm grateful that you made the effort to respond, but I think you should be more cautious about writing my situation off so quickly, telling me to "quit and go home". I wouldn't write such a long winded question if the answer were so obvious, would I?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): You fantasize about suicide, but you won't think about going home? You think about killing yourself, but you can't stand your life in Canada?
Take a step back. Think about your life, your family, back home.
The money you invested in your new life is spent and gone. If you can't make a happy life with your man, if it's so bad that you think about suicide, then go home. Quit. Your life with this guy in Canada isn't working. Go home to your parents and get healthly.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (25 April 2009):
 One of the true great challenges in life is one you are facing now. True love defies all obsticales and I know even though you feel there is no love there or it is fading away, know that it is not, that it is only beeing blinded by the financial strain on you both.
Stick together, there are hundreds of things you can do to keep it together. downgrade your apartment if your paying rent, move to a cheaper alternative place. Nobody cares where you live or how you live and the ones that do they are usually in a predicament of envy because you have somthing they want, things like genuine love.
You ahve a partner, and you might want to tell him this too... You are a team and you are team mates and its both of you vs the world. So temp work hard be there for him and he should be there for you. talk to each other about every financial decision but please do not take financial things personal. the worst that can ever happen is that you both become bankrupt. But you know what you still have each other and thats worth fighting for.
The world is in great change i believe we have already reached the peak of our own civilisation, prepare for great change new ways of living our world may be heading like the old days but with newer technologies available at hand and thenk to that we can keep in contact with family and friends because of those things. Our civilisation is exiting an era and this may last for many years to adjust itself.
It is time to look into oneself and not look to gain as much as possible simply to expose status. Those days are going quickly.
Be happy with yourself for being here.
To help you with your day to day thoughts start a hobby somthing you've always wanted to do even as a child. these are the things that will help the world and yourself in this great change. Thise great change is about self awarness and self satisfaction. we wont find them in jobs anymore, careers are symply a way to make money in order to live and have a roof over our heads... But its your passions and interests that will keep ypu going.
Your partner needs to see this too. give him this message of insight and hopfully it will show you the light and imprint a better attitude on you both.
You can get stressed about the world but at the end of the day its important that you have each other... You are team mates in a very big worldy game.
And with the right attitudes you will win! Defeat the challenge!
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