A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a complicated situation at present. Two years ago I had a beautiful baby boy. The situation with my little boy's biological father hasn't been good, nor was the ending of our relationship while I was pregnant(he cheated). I started dating an old friend of mine whom I love very much in all ways. Unfortunately, our good relationship hit a halt a few weeks ago when we had a severe argument because I thought he had put my son in danger and wound up slapping him. I am completely ashamed that the argument and my fears overtaking my intellect led me to strike someone I love. I have never struck anyone in my life. As it stands, he had some family issues to take care of and is away to take care of them. I know I can't get back what we had because of my horrible action, and believe me he's had more apology, attention and affection these few weeks than anything. He is still with me, but is distant. He says he forgives me, but I don't think he has.To make matters worse, I recently found out that I am pregnant with his child and am terrified of being the single parent of two children. One, because my first gentleman was a jerk who cheated and couldn't live up to his responsibility as a parent. The second, my current love, because I was a fool and reacted without thinking. So, knowing a bit of the back-story, how do I fix this? Can it be fixed? I am not a bad person and I know he does love me, he's just so hurt by me. I need some advice please. Thank you very much. Sorry so long. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (14 February 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
I've slapped two guys. One, because we were both actors, thrived on drama - he would do something bad (i.e. cheating), I would to something in retaliation (I slugged him), and finally it ended (he decked me in the face. In the middle of a crowded school. Idiot.).
And the other guy, my current boyfriend who I love with all my heart. I truly do. Well, we had a huge fight over something that wasn't worth fighting over, I got mad, he just kept PUSHING my temper and finally I lost control and slapped him. Ooooh the guilt. And it set in RIGHT away. The second my hand connected with his face, I had the deepest regret and shame... I know how it feels.
Now that you know how shitty it feels post slappage, you probably won't do it again. I'll tell you that much.
It just takes time to heal. I'm sure your boyfriend sees how deeply you regret your actions and that you want to prove to him how much you love him. I like the letter idea from 'hannieseds' - I think that might help. Even if you never give him the letter, it can help process your thoughts into real ideas and points. Then when you sit down and talk to him, you will have already thought out what you want to say, you've articulated it onto paper... like having a script.
Time, love and building trust. The hurt will go away for him eventually, I'm sure. Especially if he KNOWS how sad you are about what you've done.
A baby on the way! Congratulations.
This will work. It really will. I think a letter would be fit.
xxIndia
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 I am going to say this. If this was a man hitting a woman, say a friend of yours, what advice would you give her?
Physical violence is never the correct thing to do, but as you have done it you need to prove, not to him but YOURSELF, that you will never do this again.
Enrol in counselling and/or anger management classes. Find out what it is inside you that made you go 'pop'.
Just remember, once you ahve crossed a line it is extremely difficult if nigh on impossible to uncross it.
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A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 Hey girl,
The 13th February last year I did worse than you - I punched my boyfriend repeately in the face ( I was drunk and provoked ) and I thought he would never forgive me. But he did. You slapping him isn't nearly as bad as that and I know every relationship is different, but there is hope that in time he will forgive & forget.
It took my boyfriend (we are coming up to 6 years together) about 2 long months to completely forgive me and to forget about it. He has actually just stopped throwing it back in my face when we have a big argument - that shows just how seriously I hurt him. We ended up on a trial separation (I moved out for a week) so he could sort out if he still wanted to be with me. He didn't want to be anywhere near me and was just so hurt that the person he loved and who loved him could act so violently and out of character. So perhaps your boyfriend is feeling a bit the same.
He just needs time. Honestly babe, time really does heal all wounds. You can't force or nag him to get over this because he will in his own him. You hurt him and he probably never expected you to lay a hand on him so he just needs some breathing space to forget about it.
My man had bruises all over his face and body from me and if you saw us together you would never have thought we went through something like that - we are an amazing couple and I still regret everyday that I physically & emotionally hurt him. But he HAS forgiven me 100% and knows it was a one-off thing that I regret with all my heart and that's what love is all about. We all make mistakes and if your love is strong then you WILL get through this and he will realise that this isn't something you would ever do again.
You CAN get back what you had! I think that we are in an even better place than we were before I hit him, if that makes any sense! Like, we were in such a low place that we both thought our love couldn't be rescued, but it just shows how far we have come and how strong our love is, as it will for you.
You know in your heart that you will never do this again, and your words to him won't mean anything - you have to prove yourself over time. I kept saying sorry over and over again but he didn't care because he thought if I had done it once I would do it again. So I have proved over the past year that I am NOT that person who came out that horrible night.
Perhaps write him a really heart-felt letter that says how sorry you are so he can read over again if he is having doubts. A hand-written letter really is an amazing thing; it has the power to heal, honest!
Don't stress too much about this, tho I know you will be! You made a mistake, a horrible mistake that you regret whole heartedly. You are only human. You would be a complete cow if you didn't regret it, ya know!? So try to relax and know that in time he will get over this and it will be forgotton.
Now go write that letter - pour your heart out! And keep smiling - you are not a bad person, you just had a 'brain fart' as I like to call it.
xxx
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A
female
reader, hannieseds +, writes (14 February 2007):
Hey girl,
The 13th February last year I did worse than you - I punched my boyfriend repeately in the face ( I was drunk and provoked ) and I thought he would never forgive me. But he did. You slapping him isn't nearly as bad as that and I know every relationship is different, but there is hope that in time he will forgive & forget.
It took my boyfriend (we are coming up to 6 years together) about 2 long months to completely forgive me and to forget about it. He has actually just stopped throwing it back in my face when we have a big argument - that shows just how seriously I hurt him. We ended up on a trial separation (I moved out for a week) so he could sort out if he still wanted to be with me. He didn't want to be anywhere near me and was just so hurt that the person he loved and who loved him could act so violently and out of character. So perhaps your boyfriend is feeling a bit the same.
He just needs time. Honestly babe, time really does heal all wounds. You can't force or nag him to get over this because he will in his own him. You hurt him and he probably never expected you to lay a hand on him so he just needs some breathing space to forget about it.
My man had bruises all over his face and body from me and if you saw us together you would never have thought we went through something like that - we are an amazing couple and I still regret everyday that I physically & emotionally hurt him. But he HAS forgiven me 100% and knows it was a one-off thing that I regret with all my heart and that's what love is all about. We all make mistakes and if your love is strong then you WILL get through this and he will realise that this isn't something you would ever do again.
You CAN get back what you had! I think that we are in an even better place than we were before I hit him, if that makes any sense! Like, we were in such a low place that we both thought our love couldn't be rescued, but it just shows how far we have come and how strong our love is, as it will for you.
You know in your heart that you will never do this again, and your words to him won't mean anything - you have to prove yourself over time. I kept saying sorry over and over again but he didn't care because he thought if I had done it once I would do it again. So I have proved over the past year that I am NOT that person who came out that horrible night.
Perhaps write him a really heart-felt letter that says how sorry you are so he can read over again if he is having doubts. A hand-written letter really is an amazing thing; it has the power to heal, honest!
Don't stress too much about this, tho I know you will be! You made a mistake, a horrible mistake that you regret whole heartedly. You are only human. You would be a complete cow if you didn't regret it, ya know!? So try to relax and know that in time he will get over this and it will be forgotton.
Now go write that letter - pour your heart out! And keep smiling - you are not a bad person, you just had a 'brain fart' as I like to call it.
xxx
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