A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of nearly two years just broke up with me. He said he lost himself in this relationship and needed to be alone. When I asked how long he had been wanting to do this he said, "I never wanted to do this. I have just been feeling like I need to be alone lately and I had to act on it." He told me that he loved me but was never in love with me. He couldn't see himself with me in the future and that he couldn't give half of his life to someone. He said he couldn't make me happy and he will never be all that I need him to be. Writing it all down, I know most of you will tell me to move on but my gut does not agree. He and I had an amazing relationship. Sure, we fought but they were healthy fights. I saw continued growth in us as individuals and as a couple. We would play, joke around, take trips, we had an incredible physical relationship. He and I would talk about the future often. He would tell me that he fell more in love with me every time he saw me, I was the relationship he was waiting for, I was his dream girl...he even told his friends how different I was and that he thought I was the one. Just before the breakup he even asked if I would move to Denver with him for a year because he was sure we would have kids one day. I am still reeling from the loss, I've gone to therapy to work on my self esteem issues. I know he struggles with depression. I am afraid, he was my light. I know I will move on but my instinct is to fight for this. I know we have been so happy together. When we met to talk about it I tried to be accepting but left the door open. He texted me the other day about the loss of a pet. We have been seperated for 3 weeks now. (He also just turned 30, in 25)I need help. I love him dearly and can't see my life without him. Will he come back? Should I fight for him?
View related questions:
broke up, move on, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 November 2015):
 To fight for him is to force yourself on him. It's not your place to try to dictate what he thinks, what he wants and what's best for him.
I know this is a shock and a terrible blow to you, but I would definitely NOT fight for this. Leave him be and don't initiate contact with him. Be sparing with contact if he initiates it with you. Unless and until he decides he wants to return you owe him nothing.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (14 November 2015):
 He has told you he doesn't want to be with you in the future and that he wasn't in love with you. That seems clear enough to me.
Give him up up. Take time for yourself. Find someone who will treasure you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (13 November 2015):
 Look, in all honesty, your question reads like "will I win lottery?" Nobody knows!
So the reason I am responding to your post is not that I'm some clairvoyant who can read your ex-BF's mind but because you should have some realistic expectations given that he has walked away from you.
It is clear that you are very hurt, shocked, and that you see future with him. But people with depression are hard to gage: one day they feel one way, the next they don't.
Given that such is the case, your best bet is to either help him deal with the depression or simply run away.
People with mental problems are a lot of work, so if you think you could help his mental problem, and if you are willing to dedicate your life to that... then go for that: tell him that you are willing to help. He may probably respond.
Men often deny their mental problems or if they do accept the mental ailment then they need someone to keep them disciplined on their meds to keep their depression balanced.
On the other hand, I could be totally wrong because there maybe nothing wrong with your man. There is not enough information.
So, to summarize what could be possible romantic gains for you in this case:
Either you reestablish connection such that you can help his depression given that you are willing or you just let this go either because he rejects you or is irresponsive to your approaches.
...............................
|
