A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been dating for around seven months now and I am totally in love with him. After we first met and had been ‘talking’ for a few months I completely freaked out and started ignoring him for around two or three weeks. During this time he was very upset and was mourning the loss of what he thought would be a relationship with me. He then hooked up with my best friend who was also close with him. They didn’t have sex but they were intimate. When I started to speak to him again he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. At this point I had no idea about him and my friend. When I found out, I was devastated and felt betrayed by both of them. I proceeded to cut them both out of my life and they subsequently fell out also. A few months later I found myself getting closer to him again and once he had explained everything to me we started a relationship but I can’t get the image of them together out of my head and I constantly bring it up to start fights. Every time I look at him I’m reminded and it’s starting to affect our relationship. Please let me know if you have any advice I’m completely stuck with where to go from here!
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 May 2023):
 I think that in order for you to be free from the stresses you are feeling you need let them both go.
I feel it was a mistake starting something new with him, it was never going to work as you are never going to be able to get over the thought of him with your friend.
He started something new with you and never told you the truth about what really happened, and as a consequence the trust barrier has been broken, once this happens the damage is often unrepairable.
Set yourself free from all this, move on. Time is the healer of all things, and things will get easier.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 May 2023):
 I think you need to dump them both.
Mostly though, the friend.
What kind of friend MOVES in on her BFF's maybe BF/maybe ex within 2 weeks? And without checking with you to see what's going on? I can tell you what kind of friend.. a SHITTY ONE.
As for the BF - I can understand that he felt you had dumped and ghosted him so he was "in a sense" single - at least he thought he was. That he chose to hook up with YOUR BFF is slimy though.
If you can separate your BF from him hooking up with your BFF, you need to end it and move on. It's NOT fair that you constantly bring it up. It just isn't. However, it's also impossible for your BF to presume you can just forget what HE did with your BFF.
So, in order for you to move on - LET THEM BOTH GO.
There are millions - billions of other men out there.
And your friend is definitely replaceable too.
Good luck and set yourself free from the drama that... well, YOU started.
And next time you date someone and "freak out" - TELL the guy that you need a little time to gather your thought and feelings but that you don't want to break up nor do you want to talk to or be with other people. If he REALLY likes you he will give you a little bit of space and let your figure it out.
Ignoring people is hurtful. So if you CARE about someone you don't ignore them.
Learn from this and move on.
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