A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 33 year old female and my partner is a 24 year old male. We've been together for over 6 months.I've never been in a relationship with a younger man before but he's very mature for his age and treats me like a queen.I realise we are in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and everything is new and exciting, and I fully expect things to settle down as the relationship progresses.My problem is that I clam up during or before sex. I fear that he's more sexually experienced than me and when I refused to get on top of him during sex a few nights ago, I'm worried that he'll think I don't know what I'm doing. He didn't mention it, just cuddled me and said it's fine but I cant stop thinking about it. I suppose the attraction for him in an older woman is someone who is experienced, independent, decent career, own home etc. I have all those things apart from being experienced sexually. I've had relationships previously and a few flings in my early 20's but I've never been overly bothered about sex. I enjoy it, but I can easily go without it.I'm deeply in love with this man. He's kind, caring and respectful and I wish I could let go during sex and show him how much he means to me but I get nervous when it comes down to it.I know I should talk to him and tell him how I feel but I'm embarrassed to bring it up. I don't want him to think that I don't know what I'm doing. He initiated sex last night but I refused and said I was tired. He was absolutely fine about it and that's what makes me feel even worse, the fact that he's so lovely about my constant refusal to get intimate.I suppose I'm just really self conscious about my body and how I look and I have a hard time letting go during sex because of this.Any advice on how I can totally let go during sex and show him how much he means to me?Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2021): You see a therapist who deals with lack of confidence and cognitive behavioural therapy not a sex therapist. I know as I am a therapist who has helped a lot of people with such problems.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 December 2021):
 I think that you should stop torturing yourself over things that might not even happen, and enjoy the wonderful beginning parts of a relationship.
He does seem to really like you a lot, and as you say he is very mature for his age.
I think you have to start loving yourself a bit more, if you do this i feel you will relax more during sex and be able to explore more, and be more adventurous.
Don't be afraid to talk to him about things, communication is key. If he is a nice as you say he is i'm sure he will be very understanding.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2021): My older cousin got me through the most unthinkable. One of her tips, us nurses get through some nasty stuff because we're getting paid. I'd much rater give a BJ on my guy than clean a bedpan or worse. When you're not in the mood, or he wants something a little out of your pay grade, make believe you're a prostitute. He picked you over the Barbie Dolls in the display room. There's $100 on the nightstand, now you're working on the $100 tip. It's not for all the time -- but I have fun with it sometimes. I went from how the f am I ever getting naked with a guy, to standing on my head while he pleasures me -- by the wall of course.
Cha Ching
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (10 December 2021):
 I really don't know how to advise you. Your problem is so common that it has become fodder for marriage jokes. You have a combination of body insecurity (reinforced by the commercial world) and sexual repression / shame (reinforced by the Christian religious world). It has become debilitating to you. You can't enjoy sex, and it's wrecking your romantic relationship.
I can tell you that you look fine, and that you are allowed to have all of the sex you want, until I am blue in the face, but your subconscious mind will never believe me.
There is one hope. One glimmer of a possibility to fix this before you lose this guy. Find a good sex therapist that you and your lover can agree on. follow your therapists instructions, don't give up.
Your younger man is not with you for your house. He is with you and initiating sex with you because he is madly attracted to YOU.
And one other little thing, sometimes when I'm embarrassed by something sexual that needs to be discussed, I sit back to back with my partner. It helps me to finish my sentences.
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