A
female
age
41-50,
*uite one
writes:dear cupid about seven months me and my boyfriend decied to sort of move in together in my place.bu befor that i have forgave him for hideing the fact he had a daughter i found out about three months into the relationship, yes i forgave him caus he wasint really shure it was his baby. Then six months into the relationship after suspecting something was not right he came clean again but now he told he was hideing the fact that besides the daughter and her monther not married to he is married to a woman but seperated for four years and has a child with her as well. yes i forgave him but i told i would not take him sierious unless he gave the little girl a DNA test.He did and we just got the resaults yesterday and when he told me the news i told him i couldnt deal with any more and i didnt want to see him any more.he was hurt.i really love him and he has gotten his act straight and he is now over honest about things he tells me everything he dose but i dont know what to do about the whole DNA thing im sceared when he has to see the child he will go alone and he might be tempeted by his ex.I told him that if i stay with him i am going to go with him to pick the child up.when befor the DNA was done he use to go see the child and take her out and droop her back off by hiselfe and i always felt sick to my stomach cuz he wouldnt answer his phone or even call me the whole from 10am to almost 11pm. i just dont want to fell that hurt again.He said he will take me with him to pick her up but i dont think he will and it will just begin a big fight if i push him.What should i do about the whole thing? ive given to much time to the relationship and i really love him and every time i try to brake up he dose what ever it takes to keep me with him. please help!
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Hi
Give the guy a break! He's trying to do whats right by all of you, and getting torn in all kinds of directions! Why should you be able to go with him when he visits his child, if i was the childs mother, i wouldnt be happy with that til it had been spoken about. But thats just me, and luckily my childrens dad was well into his 40's before he had to introduce them to his girlfriend, but he didn't do it for a good year. And i am extremely confident he never would let them meet someone that he wasn't serious with, or that wasn't a decent person. But i accept i am lucky in that way. Its not usually quite that straightforward.
This is all about trust, and yes, its a nightmare to trust someone thats lied in the past. If you can do it, i take my hat off to you, but you cant be getting all hung up on his childrens mother. It just wont work. For the next 16 yrs atleast, he will have something to do with her.
If i thought there was anything still going on with an ex and his childs mother, i would steer well clear from the start.
He didn't tell you about the children because he thought it would put you off. Thats an innocent lie in my book, like lying about age, and my mother has done that numerous times but is a very loyal person still! but only you can decide if it is a small lie in your book.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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