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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am worried over my b/f leaving the area. His brother and wife will be moving to a new state. They have a 1 year old and a baby one on the way. My b/f is close with his family. The mother takes care of the grandchild a lot. When i speak to her she says I don't fly, i would have to take a train to visit---so it makes me think she does not want to leave her house. My b/f has his own place but stays with his mother. The mother then mentioned to my b/f--oh if i did go where would you live(b/c my b/f mentioned to her about living there) and then she said she forgot he had his own place. The mother then said i have a place to go already. I think if the mother left to live near them, my b/f would too. The thought of this happening really makes me sad and i can't just wait and be like--well lets worry when it does happen or if. The brother then bought a second house and i am assuming he would want to rent it out in order to make money. I am wondering if he is just going to offer it to his mother to pay the rent if she lives there. I would hope this wouldnt come up or he would stay to be with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): Oh and to answer you question...just get the balls to go to her and get to know her and ask her...she will have an answer...just be prepared...by how you are; you're not going to like it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): Okay...that explains it. You are offended and your ego is wounded by such a valid suggestion of counseling. Counseling is still a good way to deal with any and all issues that are occuring in this relationship.
You have a breakdown of communication...there is no listening, no speaking, no addressing, and no working it out.
If this was happening you wouldn't be on here and getting all upset and offended at a viable answer.
If this is how you respond to someone who wants to help; then maybe that is the real cause.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): HMM no i don't have issues with his mother..i do not even know her well. This isn't really about me having issues with her or going to couples counseling--what couple only going out for a year and a half goes to couples counselling? Sorry its not for me at this point. I was wondering if the chances of her leaving are high or she feels she is already settled and doesnt want that change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): Couples counseling is a good option. With it can come out the bf upbrining and why he would move to be near his family and also why Mom doesn't want to leave the house.
It is apparent that you have some issues with his Mother and you just don't know how to express all you need to say.
Counseling will root out all problems/issues and help you both to come to good solutions that would make you and him happy.
There is more to this then you are saying and that is why I suggest the couple's counseling.
It is for anyone and everyone, even if life seems to be going good.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): Hi--no i do not feel i am a threat to the mother--my b/f is very family oriented and so i am definitely not a threat..in a lot of cases i think his family would come before me. And everyone seems to think couples counseling is the only solution. After almost 2 years of dating--i dont believe couples counseling is a solution. From the way the mother is speaking it sounds like she doesnt want to leave the house. I guess i am wondering what the chances are with grandkids or she would just be happy with visiting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): Maybe she isn't so trusting in airplanes.
Have you openly expressed your concers with your boyfriend?
Have you let him know that you want to work on the problem if it does arise? What have you offered to do?
Is it fair, knowing he is very family centred, to believe he would chose you over his family? Is it fair to him and is it fair to you?
I think this is more you believe his mother feels threatened by you and in turn; you don't trust her.
Have you talked to his mother and told him why you love him? Why you find him amazing and thanker her for raising such a man?
Communicate. Tell him that you feel you are a problem to his mother and that you really hope this isn't the case and that you want to love and be with him and you need his reassurance and support as well as his mother's support.
If this doesn't seem to work then seek some couple's counseling. Another party seems to be respected and listend to more readily as the partners feel that they are not biased and do want to work and sort it out for the benefit of both partners.
Good luck.
*hugs*
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