A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm worried that I'm not living my life to the fullest and unfortunately the main reason for this is because I tend to compare my life to the lives of my ex girlfriends. Let me explain...I don't know why, but I'm really stuck on the idea that my ex's are going to go on to live better lives than my own and it really bugs me. Of course I wish them all the happiness in the world, but I found out not too long ago the my first love had gone sky diving with her long term partner and it sounded amazing. Though I am thrilled for her, I couldn't help but think "God, why am I not doing something like that?! Wow... my life suddenly seems really boring compared to hers!"My most recent ex comes from a fairly privileged background. She lives in London with her family and as a result it seems like she is able to get whatever she wants. Things just seem to fall in to her lap without even trying, it's like she has more luck than anyone else in the world. This summer alone she has been on holiday twice and has attended all kinds of events, probably with her new partner. On top of that, she's pretty, smart and has a beautiful singing voice. It's not that I envy those things, I consider myself to be a fairly good looking, smart guy. It's just that with those characteristics on top of being able to do all these neat things, it makes me feel inferior. I feel blessed with what I do have in my life, but I can't help but long for more when I see all that she has. Why can't I be as lucky as her?Now, I know I shouldn't compare myself to my ex's, but I don't know what to do. I'm bored with my life at the moment! I'm single, I work, I see my friends quite often, but I feel like I'm wasting my life when I compare it to my ex's. When I die, I want to feel like I've lived an incredible life, the kind that people would envy and wish to have for themselves... but at the moment I don't feel like I'm anywhere near that.What should I do? How can I stop worrying about what kind of life I'm going to live and just get on and enjoy it?
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male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 There are two issues here. One is wanting more out of your life, and the other is your jealousy that your exes are happy without you.
The latter issue is a hard one to swallow, but easier than the former. The hard fact that all of us who have exes have to face is that, yes, they are happy without us. That's why they're exes: they didn't match with you. I know, I know, we all like to think we are irreplaceable. In a way we are; you certainly made a mark on your ex, and maybe even helped her get to where she is now. But yes, she has found someone with whom she connects with better.
As for the issue of improving your life, well, this should be done in two ways. The first is what RedAthena said: challenge yourself and develop goals in life. The second is to increase your gratitude.
Being grateful is an art. It does not come easy. It takes effort and work, but you can develop it by doing the following:
--volunteer somewhere where people have less than you (for the blind, the disabled, etc)
--pray and give thanks for what you have
--give charity
--keep a "gratitude journal" where you write down different things you are grateful for.
It's a good, valid question you have, and it's good you are addressing it early in life. Usually it takes a mid-life crisis! I hope it spurs you into better and deeper living.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (25 August 2011):
 Your exes are not lucky, they are choosing to live their lives and use what resources they have around them. They are choosing to be happy. Do you think they are comparing themselves to others? Probably not.
Pick a goal in life YOU want to achieve for yourself. A trip, an event, a thrill...
Now find out how YOU can make that happen.
Do you need to get more info? Get it.
Do you need to save up $ for it? Find out how much it costs and what you need to do to get the $.
Does it take preparation of some sort? Start planning then!
Are there some skills or talents you would like to develop? Find out how or where you can do that?
Nothing changes with just thinking about it....take action.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): there is only 1 thing stands out,that is you are bored. Too much time to think. Forget all this rivalry,it isnt important,they are not in your life. If you want the same badly enough then you would get it. What you need,is to find an interest or do something what is aimed towards improving your self esteem.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 August 2011):
 She's you EX... for Heaven's sake!!! Forget about her!!!
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