A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Readers,I would really appreciate some advice please.I have a history of attracting the wrong type of man, despite the fact that I believe I have done a lot of work on myself to beat the Domestic Violence Cycle.I recently met a man at the Bus Station. I was at the kiosk and asked the lady where the nearest Eftpos machine was as I needed to get some money for Busfare. A man who was a Bus Driver said to me don't worry about it I can give you a dollar. He said I will give you 3 dollars.He then offered to buy me a coffee and seemed like a kind man. He offered me his business card and told me if I ever needed my lawns mowed that he could do it for me.I was reluctant at first as I have been quite hesistant with men all together as I have been physically, verbally and sexually abused by my past boyfriend and I have also been verbally abused and bullied from my family for the most of my life. It has only been since April of this year that I decided not to have any further contact with them. I was also advised to tell them to F--- O-- by my Psychiatrist as I have had enough. My family have also got my daughter living with them as they have always undermined me in front of her and not allowed me to set any boundaries for her. In their opinion, that is my Sister, her Father who I have a VRO out against, my Mother and my Father tell me that it is not up to me what decisions I try to make for my daughter who is 13 and a half and that it is her decision of what she wants to do. This has left me feeling very outnumbered, unsupported, depressed and frustrated. I am seeing a Psychiatrist as I suffer with Depression and associated Post Traumatic Stress from all of the abuse that I have endured for years from my family.My Doctor says I am quite vulnerable because of what has happened to me.My daughter also won a Scholarship to a Boarding School with horses against hundreds of applicants. I felt for the first time in my life that I had some healthy support for my daugter and it was an opportunity for her to learn some boundaries and learn how to mix socially and make some friends as previously when she went to a day school she wouldn't mix with any friends at all. She saw a Psychologist at the Boarding School as I thought this would be a good idea to support my daughter. The Psychologist said it was very important that my daughter stay at the school as she was aware of the dysfunction in my family and the lack of support that I have due to my sister's ongoing drug abuse, my daughter's abusive controlling Father and my Mother who is very unsupportive towards me and has undermined me terribly in the past in front of my daughter which has resulted in my daughter speaking to me like I am a piece of dirt telling me to shut-up, not wanting any contact with me and totally disrespectful of me.My daughter actually originally wanted me to apply for the Scholarship as she said that was all that made her happy being in the country and having a horse.Her Dad pulled her out of the school with back up from my whole family and my sister has now picked up a free horse for my daughter and claimed my whole pension. Since I no longer have any pension to spend on my daughter for clothes, shoes etc she wants nothing to do with me and told me to shut up when I wanted her mobile number on Sunday.In regards to the man who I met he finished up offering me money, cigarettes, mowed my lawn for free despite me offering him money. I did not even sleep with this man. I only kissed him and he started to arrive on my door step late at night and at numerous times during the day. He said that he just wanted to help me. When I tried to set some boundaries with him and asked him to please not arrive at my house unless we had made arrangements I received a text from him the other night telling me to leave Dexter's money under my door mat to collect. Could someone please give me some advice. At present I just feel like shutting myself away in my home and staying safe. My Psychiatrist feels that it would help me if I met someone to support me. He encouraged me to allow the bus driver to help me with my garden. I feel I would rather support myself as I've had enough of everything and what I have experienced in the last 8 months. I also lost my two Cornish Rex cats who were very dear to me within 6 weeks of one another in May of this year. One due to kidney failure at the age of 8 and a half and my other boy got run over 6 weeks later. My Psychiatrist also tells me that I should order another cat. I find myself in a place where I cannot and do not want to get attached to anyone or anything at present, not even a pet, despite my loneliness.It worries me that I will always feel like this, however I'm not sure whether I should force myself to get out there meet someone and get some more pets or to wait until I feel safe and ready. Perhaps I will feel like this forever. It's a scary thought, so I thought I would ask the readers out there if they had any advice for me thank-you.
View related questions:
bullied, depressed, money, text, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 October 2011):
 Off course it is a scary thought, your family and your ex partner have left there mark on you by making you feel that nobody can be trusted and you have your gaurd up now because you are scared of history repeating itself. But you need to try and be brave and get out in to the world.
This bus driver sounds genuine and nice and therefore I think you should give him a shot. Take the friendship slowly at first and tell him that he cannot turn up out of the blue but make arrangements to see each other and get to know each other.
As for your ex partner, well he is in the past and I think it is best that he stays there. He has ruined your life and made you feel worthless, but show him now that you can move on and be happy. He does not control you any more.
It sounds like your mother is not a very nice person. Do you really want your daughter growing up with a woman like this? Where is the fight inside of you? She is still a minor and you are her mother, your daughter doesn't get to chose who looks after her, you do, and if it was me I would not have her with a mother that has made you feel the way that you do. Take control and tell her she is coming to live with you, put your foot down. Yes it may take some time and some hard work but show her that you are her mother and then she might start respecting you.
As for the cat. Well if you don't feel ready to have another pet right now well then give yourself time. But make sure you are getting out and socializing and enjoying your life to the full. Remember we only live once so make the most of it. Be strong and keep fighting for what you deserve. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. I would try to get custody of your daughter and get her back into that school where she can be with healthier people and not around your family members.
I wouldn't accept help from people you don't know very well- set and define the boundaries early on. Try meeting people at activities that you enjoy instead of just meeting them randomly because they approach you.
Tell this man to get lost and not to contact you anymore or you will get a restraining order on him.
Start doing activities that you like and you will meet better people/friends eventually. When you're ready, consider a new cat- maybe go to a local shelter and save a life this time. Good luck.
...............................
|
