A
female
age
30-35,
*indAlteration
writes:Im new to this "going to the internet for help" deal, But i am being tortured everyday and night and im in desperate need for help. :( So here's a little background info before i get into what i need to say. I dated a guy for 3 years on and off when i was 17. he was my first love and i also had an abortion with him. I know he didnt treat me well but was blinded by love for the longest time. Finally after so long we stopped and broke it off. After six months I found someone else who I am deeply in love with. He is 27 (six years older than me). But the other day while he was at home I had gotten a call from some friends that they were all going to the bar. So i decided to go. To my surprise my ex happened to show up. We all had alot to drink, and a few of us went back to my ex's house, to hang out in his garage. I havent been close to my ex (even enough to hold a decent conversation) in a long time. So i entertained the thought of maybe trying to be his friend again. People started to leave and my ex asked if i wanted to stay (he even told me that nothing was going to happen he just wanted someone to talk to). Being the caring person that i am, i thought to myself "this isnt something to overreact to". so i stayed. We stayed up all night talking about life and things that were upsetting him. I listened and started to fall for his tricks again. I know i was manipulated and i feel so STUPID for doing it. It was already into the wee hours of the morning and i just wanted to go to sleep. But before i could, my ex leaned over and kissed me. Something inside me burst (in a bad way) and i was taken back to all the times that my ex had hurt me. I kissed him back for a few min, and kept trying to say lets just go to sleep, but he kept insisting that we stay up. I said no, im going to sleep and rolled over to go to sleep. I feel like absolute shit for what i did. And have cried everyday since. I love my boyfriend now (of 5 months) , and i feel like i have f****d up to the point of no return. The guilt inside me has eaten me up to were i cant function during the day. This feeling has turned into a word, that just keeps repeating itself allday everyday in my head. i dont know what to do, i wish i could go back in time and tell myself that it wasnt worth risking everything i had built on this new love by going back to my old one. Someone please help me. I dont want to lose my boyfriend, i havent told him and dont know if i should. help?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 October 2011):
 However hard it is to do I think you need to tell your boyfriend the truth about what happened. Be honest with him and tell him exactly how it happened. I know you don't want to do this but believe me it is for the best. Yes he may be hurt and angry but if you show him how much you care well then hopefully he will be willing to work on things.
You can't just brush this under the carpet and pretend that nothing happened because it will keep eating you up inside and you will feel even more guilty as time goes on as you will be basing your relationship on a lie. Plus somewhere down the line someone might slip up somewhere and find out the truth, am sure your boyfriend would rather you told him than someone else.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): You kissed him, correct?
You didn't have sex with him, correct?
You were drinking a lot, correct?
You slept at his house, in the same bed it sounds like, correct?
He treated you badly in your relationship, correct?
If I understand you correctly, you had a bad relationship with this guy, but you still found yourself attracted to him for whatever morbid reason, and you did something after drinking (but not necessarily being drunk), that you regret.
This is more than guilt, this is remorse and issues from the past relationship coming out, and you have more issues than just the old boyfriend. You may be depressed. You certainly should not be drinking, and may have problems with alcohol. Some people are susceptible to the effects of alcohol at much lower doses than others, some people feel good when they drink, some don't. Alcohol makes depression worse, even if it makes you feel better by the way.
So, do you tell.
Unless you want to run the relationship as a lie, then you have to tell. If this was just a drunken kiss, that might be one thing, but you slept there, you kissed more than once, and you have some issues that you need to deal with.
I'd advise you to get professional counseling help, don't drink or do any drugs at all, and work to understand why you are willing to be in relationships and are attracted to people who are not good for you. Stay away from slippery people and places.
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
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