A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Is he really over his Ex? Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years now and I thought we was both the happiest we could be.Last night he went to show me something on social media and his ex girlfriend was at the very top of his search bar I got upset and he said that he was just being nosey while bored at work. I struggle with this as I could be as bored as anything but I would never search an ex because it’s disrespectful to my current partner but also I couldn’t care less about my Ex. It’s not just this one thing that bothers me, when he found out his ex was pregnant (not his) he made a really big deal and got in touch with his friend to tell her the news and they was chatting about it for ages, the second thing was he said one day oh my ex hasn’t got me blocked anymore (she had him blocked when we first started dating) which to me means he must of been searching to find out she hadn’t still kept him blocked and finally they have a lot of mutual friends and one day his ex liked something he had written and he was making a huge deal out of it.This is the first relationship I’ve had that is not abusive and I’ve actually let me guard down and I’m ready to commit to this guy but don’t want him weeks, months or years down the line deciding he wants to get back with her. Do you think I’m being irrational or is he not over her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2018): First things first. Your age above your post indicates you are between 18-21.
This is the first non-abusive relationship you've ever had? How long ago did you begin dating; and how many relationships have you had? Seems like you may have a pattern of choosing the wrong guys! Maybe you started dating too young; and weren't old enough to choose who to date, for the lack of maturity and good-judgement.
I gather that you and this guy became a couple very shortly after, or just as, his previous relationship was ending. If it was that soon, you may as well have dated him before he broke-up! He's till in the process of getting over her. Sometimes that takes months; and for some people, up to a year or longer.
Whether he is fully over over? That depends on several factors. Why they broke-up? Who broke-up with whom? Was cheating involved? Was it a first-time real-relationship? Was it mutually-agreeable to breakup? Was someone blindsided by the other? Only time and distance truly heals wounds.
If you couldn't wait for a few months before you dubbed him your boyfriend; then you basically included his ex as part of the deal. He may be "getting over her;" but he may still be in the midst of the process. Depending on how secure you are as a person, and how mature you are; will all determine if the relationship will last any significant amount of time.
He may always hold some feelings for her; and you can't judge another person's feelings and way of handling things by your own. You could be a very strong or calloused person. If all your past relationships were abusive; it's easy to say you could not care any less about your exes.
You can ask him to delete her pictures and discontinue stalking her on social media. To help you to feel more secure about your relationship; and to help himself to get truly and completely over her. He's still grieving the breakup; but it doesn't mean he doesn't truly care for you.
If you feel he has shown more concern for his ex than you can bear; then you have to guard your feelings and do what's best for you. If that means letting him go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2018): Did he get with you pretty soon after he split up with her? If so i think that you was a rebound and from what you have put it indicates he still has an interest in her. Look i know it is hard but this is not on you, if he was hung up on her he would be like this with anyone he got with after, he never allowed himself to get over her, a lot of people make this mistake. No doubt you love him and you don't want this to be the case but it does seem like it is i'm afraid. You are young, forget about relationships, walk away with your head held high if your gut is telling you he is not over her, because he will not give you the full love and attention you deserve.There are lots of decent men out there, you may need to date a few to finally find someone who is right for you, but don't settle for less than you deserve, good luck x
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 June 2018):
 Yes, it looks like he's not over her. I'm sorry OP, this must be awful for you but it certainly looks like he's still hung up on her.
The question is, what do you want to do now?
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