A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’m in my mid-twenties and have been in a loving relationship six years, but I’m frustrated by my attraction to others. Whilst my partner has a colourful sexual history, I’ve only ever been with them and I feel by staying, I’m losing opportunities for experiences that won’t always be there – the thought of casual sex with a new partner is extremely exciting to me. I didn’t have sex until relatively late (a lasting insecurity I think may cause me to seek validation from sex, not helped by how rarely my partner seems to wants to these days) and often fantasise about things having gone differently. My partner is understandably upset when I speak of how I feel, but their reaction usually is to go silent and not engage in discussion. I love my partner and believe they seek my commitment, and I feel with but a bit more past experience I could, but the idea of having just the one sexual partner my whole life, or even just my whole twenties scares me - I’m worried commitment means forfeiting sexual fulfillment.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2017):
 What do you feel you are missing out on? Awkward first dates? I don't get it, just because you have only had one sexual partner doesn't mean you have missed anything. Unless off course you would like to try swinging or group orgies. I am glad you are being honest with your girlfriend but you need to make sure sex is worth risking your relationship over, because the grass is not always greener on the other side. It is only you that can make this decision.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017): You're not ready to be a husband. Or settle down.Do yourself and her a favour. Get out now before you do something which will break her heart.At least you are being honest with yourself and express the intention to deal with it.I would leave her and be single. Better that than wait for the opportunity to come where you will cheat. Just a matter of time with your mind set.Remember sex with random strangers isn't all it's cut out to be. After a few, that thrill too soon fades. But that's something you will see for yourself. You will have to make a choice. And you will have to let her go if you feel you can't remain faithful and will forever be tempted.It isn't fair to her if you keep her for comfort while seeing others for excitement. The excitement will fade and you will realize - too late - that none of them ever came close to her.I believe if you love someone, you don't ruin that by indulging in side flings. If you want side flings, then you don't love the person you're with and shouldn't be in a committed relationship, period.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (8 December 2017):
" I feel by staying, I’m losing opportunities for experiences that won’t always be there"
I would like to hear ONE opportunity you would miss...Just one.
Find one other woman in the world who has more body parts that are different than your girlfriend now?
You ever heard the story of the dog and bone when you were a kid? The dog found the biggest and greatest bone he even had. He was crossing over a bridge so proud of his bone, until he look over the edge and saw his reflection in the water below. Not recognizing himself, he became greedy and wanted the other bone he saw too. He barked to scare the other dog (his reflection) away from the bone so he could have it, and drop his in the water below...gone forever.
You have one girl already...but greed and the need for more has destroyed countless people, marriages, and even countries.
If your girlfriend did not have a vagina, and every other woman did...I could see your need to sample one.
Life has a massive sense of humor. Let's say you leave your girl now to get some more experience as you say. You meet another girl that is just beyond amazing. You cannot live without her. Then life says "This girl you consider the best thing ever...she wants to go and get some more experience too." Right back at you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 December 2017):
 The excitement of new sex soon wears off. Every long-term relationship settles down in terms of the amount of sex you have.
Women need to feel loved to want sex, while men need sex to feel loved. If your partner is female (I notice you deliberately keep their gender undisclosed), then the lack of sex is probably a reflection of the condition of the rest of the relationship. If she is resentful about anything, she will not be wanting to have sex with you.
Being in a committed relationship does not stop people feeling attracted to others. However, what they choose to do about that attraction defines their morals. If you are already having frequent doubts about your relationship and yearning for more experience, these feelings are unlikely to go away. They will probably just get stronger as time goes on and you will get increasingly more restless.
Do yourself and your partner a favour and be brave enough to call it a day. If you really want to experience casual sex, then you need to get this out of your system and let your partner find someone who is totally committed to them. Personally I have always found casual sex a total turn-off and steered clear of it but we are all different. You feel like you are missing out so get out there and find out exactly what you are missing out on, but first if all end your current relationship cleanly but kindly. When you go looking for your casual sex fix, be responsible (use protection), be kind (never lead anyone on that you want more than you are prepared to give) and stay safe. You will soon find it is not all it's cracked up to be but nobody can tell you that. You have to find out for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017): Commitment doesn't mean forfeiting anything. It's voluntary.
Your hormones will always tell you the grass is greener on the other side. Sex does get routine and familiar having the same sex-partner. The challenge of commitment is maintaining your partner's trust; and remaining faithful in spite of temptation.
If you're getting itchy, and you haven't considered marriage in the span of a six-year relationship; you're yearning for your freedom. You want random partners, and you're getting restless. I sense your relationship has run its course; or you're pretty close to an expiration-date.
If you want to be monogamous, yes you give-up sex with random partners. It's a sacrifice you make when you truly love someone. I mean you truly love them. You don't stop yearning to have sex with other people; but you control your urges.
The first excuse is usually claiming you're not getting enough. The relationship is dragging on and you're trying to say in fancy words that you're "bored;" and feeling like you're missing-out on casual-sex with random females.
Do your partner a favor. Don't cheat. Make the decision to become single before you decide to go fulfill yourself.
You're not worried commitment means forfeiting sexual fulfillment. You don't know how long you can stand to remain faithful to the same woman. I guess your love is running out of energy, and you're tired of the same vagina.
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