A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was reading a post that got me thinking...My fiance uses porn and at the moment Im ok with it....but when we get married and have kids I think my feelings may change...I mean Im ok with him watching porn because I now my body looks pretty much like he women he looks at but after I have kids (we want 3) I cant stand the thought of him looking at women without 'baby bodies'.. I am pretty sure I will get stretch mark as my mother did and my dr said that its somewhat hereditary...also I want to breast feed and of course I know my breast may change. I also dont expect to have a perfectly flat tummy after 3 kids....even though I will stry and keep my weight stable. The dr says a permanent weight gain of a couple of kilos after having babes is healthy and normal for most women...I have asked my fiance whether my body changing will effect his feelings for me and of course he says n but deep down I know it will efffect my feelings about him using porn and looking at ther women who always look perfect and never age. Now Im wondering whether I am suited to marriage at all...perhaps a life of relationships for companionship would be better, I have a couple of girlfriends who say they never want to marry because of these kinds of issues...any advise
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): I'm one of those ladies who never looked the same again :-( I had no stretch marks up to 3 weeks before the baby was due, then he dropped very quickly and it was too much stretching in too short of a time, there was nothing I could do about it. Not only did they hurt (because my skin was literally tearing) but I was also ashamed of how they looked. My boobs deflated after nursing to something akin to pancakes with an egg in the middle, I was only 22 at the time and completely embarrassed to have anyone see me. Yes, I hated that my husband used porn, he used to leave his magazines next to the toilet (what's that all about?)Having said that, I will say, I'd do it all over again. I love my kids more than anything in the world. I divorced my husband because he messed around. If I were you, I wouldn't dismiss your feelings so easily. You have every right to feel the way you do. Make sure that the man you marry will do anything for you....and yes, that means giving up porn if it hurts you when he uses.I read a statistic recently that divorce lawyers are stating pornography is being mentioned as a cause for divorce in 50% of their cases. 20 years ago there wasn't such a thing! It's different when a man doesn't have to walk into a shady store and risk their neighbors seeing them. The availability of porn on the internet makes it too tempting for most men to resist, it's not their fault.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): I think you should use your concern to positive effect and decide that you will not let your body go 'out of control' when you have a baby. Many women maintain fantastic bods post-baby and I'm convinced the fact that you are so bothered will ensure you do your best to remain attractive. It shows you care about yourself, your man, and your relationship and if he is worth anything the fact you are still caring and want to look good for him is plenty enough to turn him on. Stay confident and you can have it all.
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A
female
reader, cherrybutton  +, writes (10 July 2008):
i think you've forgotton that if you have a mummys body, it'l b because your a mummy, and the chance are, the love your man has 4 u wil grow tenfold because YOU are the mother of his children! and you will have these beautiful specimens of u and him that you will love more than anything and anyone in the whole world. If you are worried about the stability of your relationship then that is a different matter, but it sounds to me you are the sort of person who takes care of herself anyway and im sure you will still look after yourself after you become a mother. Love tends to grow with a family and other things take priority over looks. As for porn, hey al blokes do it, its pretty strange to find one that dusnt, sum r just more obvious about it. i think you shud humour him about it, and hey, if you love your body now, then y not get him to take sum pics of you and put them on his computer as a little treat, for now, and the years down the line so that u can lauf about it use it later on. love yourself and love your guy! cant ask for more than that!and by the way, im pretty sure ul find that the kids wil b worth the stretchmarks! no matter how much they make you wana pull ur hair out! gud luk with it all!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Your girlfriends are very young and immature... LOL
You age and you get a "mummy's body", but he ages too. Do you think he will remain your "young stud" forever. No my dear, that's not the way it goes. He will get grumpy, he'll still have that perfect smile, but his hair will fall out, and he will get a little fatter too. You on the other hand will excersise and keep fit, you will look after your body, and take care of your looks, as well as look after the kids, the house and him. You will stunning and you will try and remember why you married the old git. You won't worry about him staring at porn filled with beautifull women, he wil stare at porn filled with older women, and you still won't be afraid because you know how much he loves you.... Don't worry about these things, men are not so shallow. They don't marry a beauty and they don't marry a brain, the take on the whole package, and your hangsup's and faults to boot. Remember, don't sweat the small stuff, it's the big things that count.
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