A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 14 months now,and we had a great relationship before I found a drunken text on his phone to his ex- he said he still loved her. He said it meant nothing, and he cried and was violently sick when i found out,and he tried to make it up to me. I have forgiven him but told him if he does anything like that again, we are finished.But I have become paranoid... There is a girl who he has been friends with since he was 6, and she is sort of my friend too, and they are in the same musical team, and because they have a lot in common, I'm becoming paranoid. he spends a lot of his free time in music,and has joined even more musical stuff that she has convinced him to do. It is driving me insane. Even sitting here, minutes after i phoned him to ask about christmas presents, I am wondering if she is with him now...Even though she has a boyfriend. I brought up the subject with him before,he knows im jealous of her because she is very talented at music,and so is he,and i feel quite stupid compared to them,but he just told me that he didnt want someone who has a lot in common with him, because that becomes boring after a while ( I am the complete opposite of him)Writing this all down makes me feel like nothing is wrong, but I can waves of carefree bliss,when i feel like nothing is wrong, but i also get to the point i feel sick with paranoia and frustration,and cry so much and hate him.How can I get over this?
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christmas, drunk, has a boyfriend, his ex, jealous, she has a boyfriend, text, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Really there is no way to change how you feel. He put doubt in your mind as soon as you found that text and off course it is going to make you paranoid now because he does have a lot in common with her and does spend time with her. Off course from his point of view he has been friends with her for most of his life so off course she is going to be an important person in his life, I don't think that will ever change. I guess when you decided to forgive him for the text then it was your choice to stay in this relationship with him even when she is still in the picture.
Off course it is going to be hard to handle this. I totally understand why you would feel insecure and paranoid. But if you want this relationship to work you just need to try and put it behind you. Believe him when he tells you he wants to be with you. Accept that she is now just a friend to him and that is all. Don't get jealous of there share of interest in music, instead try and get involved with it. Support him in it and show him that you are the bigger person. You need trust for a relationship to work. It is okay to get jealous about things but don't let it get to you so much. See that allow she has his friendship, you are the one he has chose to be with. You just need to believe in yourself more and believe what he tells you.
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