A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I feel like my last relationship is ruining me. We were together for 15 months and he was my first love. I'd say 12 months into the relationship things started to change, he became controlling and i knew this but didn't stop it and i regret it. I knew that I shouldn't have done everything he wanted me to, but i did. He used to tell me not to go out with other boys, so i didn't, but it was perfectly fine for him to go clubbing with girls which made me jealous :\ I was too scared of saying anything though as i loved him. It's been 18 months since we split and i'm only just moving on. I've started talking to this guy and I really like him, however I'm scared that i'm going to get jealous easily again, or become too controlling. Any help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): When feelings like jealousy and being controling come up, its good that you notice that they can sometimes come up because of what happened in the past, and that they relate to someone else, rather than what is happening in the present with someone new. This is very common, people tend to take behaviour and feelings from one relationship into other relationships, even if their new partner behaves differently and it feels different to be with them. It is smart to have this as a concern going into a new relationship, but don't let that stop you from going for it. Rather, keep an eye on yourself in your new relationship, and when those kinds of feelings and reactions come up in you, you can think about whether your reaction really relates to what is happening now, or more about what happened before, and you can respond intelligently from there by talking it through with your partner when you are able. Actually, the potential for your reactions existed within you BEFORE any of your relationships, and it is through relationships that you learn how to deal with your reactions and grow into the person you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): Sure..Since you really like this guy, we'll I say take a chance again.. Anyway, when it comes to love, there's really no wrong or right. I always believe that people need to experience what they need to experienced to be able to understand the consequence of doing the wrong thing. Otherwise, you will never learn.If there's a Price for a rotten judgement for men, I'll definitely GRAB that price. Though i'm close to hate them all, but i still believe in second chances. Otherwise, God wont give me one as well 'coz we are all sinners.What I can advise you, is to take things as slowly as you can. Play hard to get, a little, just enjoy each other's company, don't think too much about YOU and HIM, always together. Focus on other More important things in your life too.If your feeling like your focusing on too much about him and starting to get jealous again, divert your attention to other things that will help you become productive, personally.Take care of your self, pamper yourself, focus on your career, focus on being successful 'coz trust me, nothing would be more attractive in a man's eyes if a woman knows how to manage her life well.In short, start saying to yourself, from now on i will choose to be classy and never be crazy, ever, again. 'Coz acting paranoid and crazy will never help you win his heart.So, Good luck...
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