A
male
age
30-35,
*atinomusicus
writes:I come here again for advice or at least hoping to get answers that will help me understand this whole situation. So I just moved to a new state with a friend of mine we will call him D (who I met online on a business group) we pretty much do the same thing and such so we became friends. Well, also this other mutual friend we will call him B (whom we also met on the same group)moved in with this friend as well only 3 days before me. Anyways, me and B share room, the first two nights we slept in D's room but after that we started sleeping in a separate room (we had to move some things out of the room so thats why we didnt sleep in it til 2 days after my arrival). everything was great, and both of them are fun guys and they both know im gay and they are cool with it. Jokingling D said to me and B, " you guys look like a couple since you are moving in the same room and will be sleeping in the same bed" and then he said " by the power...blah blah I declare you husband and husband". B is a cool guy and its funny cause a lot of ppl think we are a couple. and we even joke around and call each other husband and things like that but we never touch each other. All of the sudden, my friend D started touching me like a lot. and he even touches me in from of B. Like one time we went to this park and D even cut a flower and gave it to me and he grabbed my butt! He seems to have that kind of personality that he likes to be playful like that. B and I talked to one of D's friend and he said that maybe I'm just taking it too serious because he seems to be like touchy with him as well. So I was like okay maybe he's like that, but last night we went to the store and I sat on the passenger seat and D kept touching my crouch ( I was wearing shorts so we was touching my skin. the first time he did it I push his hand away after a min or so. then he did it again and I pushed it away again. then on our way home he did it again, this time i just ignored him and let him put his hand on my crouch. by the way, B was sitting on the back.Oh and I asked B ( my supposedly husband)if he would do such things knowing his friend is gay and he said no. anyways, while we were in the car B asked D if he is really into guys and D said no, and he asked him again, and D said no again. and then B said, will S (me) is getting emotionally attached to you. at that moment i didnt know what to say, seems like D took it as a joke, but B and I know that was not a joke. Well, last night when we got back home I was browsing the net on my laptop and D grabbed my hand as I kept using my laptop. and he caresses me and since Im ticklish I got gigglish and he noticed that so he kept tickling me. Today,. we went out and again he grabbed my crouch! And then he said " I don't know why, but I like touching you, I have never touched a guy seriously.".Brayan kepts telling me to kiss D and see how he will react, but I know that won't be a good idea (?). Like I told B, if D is not out, he will kept saying he's not gay when ever you ask him. supposedly D has a gf or at least there's this girl he likes a lot, and I told B just because you have a gf or say that you like a girl doesnt mean you are not into guys. ( I dated some girls when I was in the closet)..I don't know what to do. I'm not gonna lie, I'm starting to like D. He's not my "type", but there's something in him I find attractive. The way he smiles, talks, the way he touches me. I know I could just talk to him, but I don't wanna make things awkward. I do get the vibe he's gay ( pretty much every person I have gotten the "vibe" from have come out recently except one), but I don't wanna assume anything. I know some guys are playful like that with their guy friends, but not if they know if their friend is gay. I know I might be taking this too serious, but I have never had a friend be like that with me. Not ever B, my "husband", plays like that with me. we do joke around with words, but we don't touch each other. The other day B told me he noticed D got jealous when he entered our room and saw me and B laughing and having a good conversation. I didn't notice that, but all the things D has been doing makes me wonder if he's really straight. I don't know maybe he's starting to question his own sexuality and doesn't know what to do? I don't know what to think about this whole thing and what to do and not to do. oh B is 18 years old, and D and me are 21 yrs old so we are all young ( thought this might be good to know).
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2013): I think you should allow things to go on as they are and not read into anything. I'm gay, and once straight guys get used to being around us; they get touchy-feely.
They don't necessarily get the thrill we get out of it. They're satisfying a curiosity they've always had. Can they actually turn another guy on, and visa versa?
Since B is so close; he feels free to cross lines. You have to consider his age as well, he is going to do things with the curiosity of a boy. So you take it with a grain of salt.
No hanky panky among roommates. It stirs up a lot of trouble, and it's really best everyone settle down about sexual orientation. Boys will be boys, they say.
It's typical male curiosity, and if you're not used to it, you'll read things into it. I'm a little older and more experienced about it. So I know the behavior well.
He touched your crotch, because he knows he can get away with it, without getting his teeth knocked out. He also wants to see what type of reaction he'll get, and testing his own feelings about it.
Society says boys shouldn't do that; so the first thing he's going to do is find out what all the fuss is about. Then he wants to see if you will allow it. It makes him feel special if given permission to explore uncharted territory. That's where you stop him.
So, my advice is to tell him that touching you is inappropriate; if he's not sure what he's doing. You're not a Guinea pig, and he shouldn't touch your privates without permission. Don't play along with it.
He needs to be educated about boundaries. He may know exactly what he's doing, but up to this point he isn't acknowledging anything and that's why you don't make any determination either way.
A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (14 August 2013):
 Tread carefully. Sounds to me like D is curious. I wouldn't conclude that he's gay or that, even if he is, he'll come out of the closet for a long time.
If you're okay with being a curious man's "experiment," then go ahead and outwardly show that you are receptive to his advances.
If, however, you're not comfortable with that role, I'd ease back how much time you spend around him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2013): I think he's questioning his sexuality at this point, & since he seems to be initiating all the physical stuff, next time he touches you like that, make a move if you want to! If he rebuffs you, you have a pretty easy out in that he started it.
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