A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I've been seeing this woman for a few months now.Maybe a dozen or so times in all, variety of dates - long short, just us and a couple with friends across 4 months.We're not a couple yet, nor had the 'talk', but we may well be that in all but name. Its clear we do like eachother, and are in contact most days.I'm just a bit confused about how I feel though. I do like her, just not excited by her. Should I feel that still after this time? Shes definitely been one to 'grow' on me; I think to start with I wouldn't have classfied her as my type. But thats been part of the fun in someways, I've surprised myself a little.I do find her attractive. Shes maybe not stunning, but I do find myself wanting her at times - if shes dresses up nicely she does look hot. But day to day shes maybe not so.Speaking to her is ok, and she can make me smile, but it can be hard work driving the conversation by yourself the whole time. Quite often I won't feel anything for her and then she'll do something small where I do feel a shared connection again.Is it ok what I feel for this stage? I guess its tough to always have the 'butterfly' feeling 24/7. I have moments of it, but a lot of the time I don't really feel anything. Is that normal? I guess having that sort of feeling 24/7 would be exhausting emotionally... what should that fade into, what one may feel for a GF of a few months and in turn a year, and longer?Guess I'm ultimately trying to work out if I do honestly like her *enough* to want to keep seeing her... or if actually we're slowly slipping into a friendship. Or maybe relationships are just that bit 'boring' day to day when you're working and its hard to get / keep that special feeling?I know of course I need to put effort it to make things special, to make moments etc. I'm sure if I were to we'd both enjoy, well I hope we would. But I guess I'm fearing my lack of feeling day to day is a sign I'm not fully in to this as much as what you may expect in the early stages of a relationship...Thanks for your help. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2015): OP here.
Thanks HoneyPie.
I maybe am trying to convince myself. But thats probably because I have done a pro/con list, at least mentally, and find a heck of a lot of pros. Theres a lot of good reasons I think in terms of values and simply just getting along together, similar personalities that really make us a good fit.
I do think a lot of her as I say. And think a lot about her.
More just wondering if its ok to not feel that much day to day. When you're not together and at work etc, that sort of feeling gets repressed by the matter in hand - is that normal?
In someways I had thought my feeling like this was a good thing - that I can put my feelings for her into context. I'm not infactuated with her - I can still focus on myself and realise whats good for me. I can be me, and not pander to her every need or desire. I can see her flaws too.
Guess I'm just making sure thats ok and maybe even normal...
And as for finding her attractive... to be honest I find it hard to find anyone attractive day to day. I can look at someone and think they're objectively beautiful yes, but am rarely attracted to someone in the wow you're hot and stir something inside me sort of way. But I am at times with this woman. I'm just not wanting to jump her every time I see her... kiss and hug her yes because I want to show affection because I care for her, but not go nuts with her every time. Maybe that'll come as we spend more time together?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2015): Mate, if you're only attracted to her when she's all dressed up then she's probably not the best fit for you. A relationship would be unfair for both of you because you'll feel guilty for not being excited by her and she'll feel insecure about you not being excited by her. Bad news all round. Don't do it. Just stay friends. Added to that it doesn't sound like you have much banter either. No, sorry, this won't work.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 January 2015):
 Hmm, to me it seems like you are TRYING to convince yourself that SHE is someone you want to date.
Have you tried making a pro/con list?
I know lists doesn't give the "perfect picture" but it might give you an idea of where she "fits" in.
Personally, if I wasn't "feeling it" after 4 months, I would probably walk away.
...............................
|
