A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, Somehow I've gotten myself in a very tricky situation. Okay, so about a year ago my dad's house was getting foreclosed and this guy I was kind of seeing in another state invited me to move in with him. I accepted and we started dating. We ended up moving again across the country because he got a better job. Well, I haven't been able to find work AT ALL here (very small town) and I don't really feel that I have ever loved him even though he supports me in every way and is an incredibly sweet and caring person. We just don't click for me romantically, don't have much in common, and I am not physically attracted to him anymore. Now I have two problems. I recently went back home to visit friends and family and while I was there I meant a man to whom I have a strong attraction and he shares these feelings. He is a former alcoholic, widower, struggling artist with a very low income and who is finally getting his life cleaned up... Yeah, I know I have bizarre taste. Well, after being rather smitten with him during my trip, I came home and my boyfriend had everything done up for Valentine's Day and even gave me a ring (which he says doesn't have to mean anything) AND told me that he'd move with me for school since I did the same for him (we'd had some arguments about this in the past). I feel so horrible. My boyfriend is a great guy and deserves the best, but I just feel more like we are friends with benefits right now. I really feel just stuck. I've kept in touch with the other man I met, and have just talked to him as a friend and nothing more but I still feel like I am doing something wrong. I can't stop thinking about him and I have butterflies everytime... Ugh! I just wish we could love the people who are convenient. Anyway, let me know what you guys think. Thanks in advance
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are both right. I just know that my bf is strongly attached to me and I feel that if I left it would hurt him very badly... I know it is probably worse to stay and keep the lie going, but I am going to have to work up the strength to break it off and hurt him. The second guy may just be a crush. I don't know yet. I am going to take it slow for now and keep at the friendship level even though just the thought of him makes me weak in the knees. I also need to be careful since i tend to go for wounded men and a lot of the time that doesn't go well for me when they heal (I tend to get used and then dumped :( ). We just have so much in common and a common spiritual viewpoint whereas my boyfriend and I seem like total opposites... I really wish I hadn't gotten myself into this mess and stayed this long. I am just kind of a coward these days. Thanks for your advice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): You need to do whats going to make you the happiest. Regardless of how great your boyfriend may be.. if you stay with him "just because" you will regret that later on in life, and regret the fact you didnt follow your heart when you had the chance. If you say you dont love him and are not attracted to him, then how are you doing him any favors by staying? Im sure he wants a girl who loves him just as much as he loves her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Hi Sister,
Your situation as a lady is difficult. But remember one thing, dont loose something for nothing. To tell you, some of garls are too weak when it come to attraction to a guy. One, have you sat down and ask yourself why dnt you have attraction to your loved one, or sit with him to discuss your problem if you really concern in him.
Two, Just becos he helped you in your difficult tyms, now this is what you pass your thankful to him?
We can write 1000 pages sister but some people go with their guts. So I will tell you one thing sort things out with the one you with and try to forget to concentrate to your new man. Did you do a test to yourself if is just a crush or lust that you are trying to adopt to your life?
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