A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey - I have been having a little problem for a while now regarding my boyfriend of 3 years. He is a great guy and i love him. But our sex life can be a bit lacking at times and i find myself knowing some things i shouldnt- because i snoop. (wich i HATE doing - but it's like an addiction or something) I have some serious trust issues from an ex who cheated etc. The things is i am know my current man wouldnt do that. He watches porn, wich i am fine with if it's not all the time and doesnt intefear with our sex lives. But i think it does. I have found out he has watched it when i am in the shower, and most of the time when i leave his house. Its like as soon as i leave he is straight into it. And sometimes after we have had a shag, i find out he has watched porn before i have arrived at his house. It really makes me feel like shit. And he watches it for hours... just sits in front of the computer not acheiving anything and watching porn. And the kind of porn he likes is alot of gangbangs and bukkake (usually alot of guys and one girl) and he likes the whole creampie things and cum all over women etc...and the thing is, i cannot properly talk to him about the things i know cos i dont want him to know i have been snooping around like a crazy person.I thought i could use the knowledge about what porn he likes to my advantage.. and i told him in the past that i like certain things and asked him to do things to me like the stuff he watches in porn... but for some reason he doesnt seem that interested...? But continues to enjoy the same things in porn. I mean what the hell? I am willing to try anything but he just doesnt want to do anything with ME. wich is very very hard. I am in alot of emotional distress over this issue. Sometimes i mention something about porn, he refuses to talk about it, gets mad at me and closes down any communication about the matter. I think this is because in the past i have gotten upset when i have seen things he's looked at... and now he refuses to talk about it and copes by getting very defensive and angry at me. He makes it feel as if i have no right to ask him about it. I think i should be able to ask him, and i wish he could be more honest about it. I feel if he where more open it would effect me less.I am not boring in the bedroom, if anything he is the more boring one.. and i think i my sexuality is closing off from him. I feel like i am getting more bitter. He also has two accounts on adult dating sites... not much profile filled out and no contacts made. But this all just reinforces to me im not good enough.Some advice would be really good.
View related questions:
porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): You Poor girl. It really does make you feel so rejected.
Thankyou for sharing your experience. It helps to know i am not the only one with a boyfriend who would prefer to get off to porn.
I actually had a revelation with my Man a last week. I managed to get him to be open and honest with me about his porn watching. He admitted alot of stuff wich was surprising cos he's ben hiding it for so long. Him being honest and being open makes it alot easier for me to deal with..
The hardest part is the lies and secrecy.
Porn won't keep him warm at night.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): I'm in exactly the same position as you and really sympathise. I've been with my boyfriend for over 18 months now and at first we had an amazingly erotic and stimulating sex life, did it everywhere, all the time. Things started to slow down. I knew that he did porn, I knew he went on prostitute website to look at their profiles and sometimes email/text them but I believed he never went further than that. This knowledge on its own crucified me. But a month ago, he promised that he had stopped with everything. He had changed. He did not want to go on prostitute website and he did not want to do porn. He told me it was "dark energy" and also told me he stopped doing computer games. I know from his history that he has stopped nothing. But every day he tells me he is not doing porn and every day I know that he is. I am incredibly adventurous in the bedroom, I do everything, I'm sexy, I'm beautiful and better in bed than any porn star. I'm creative and available for him 24/7. I want sex every day, but he has porn and so he does not want me every day. I feel rejected. He tells me he is not horny and that he is stressed when I know he has already done porn twice that day. It really hurts me. When he is not with me we, made an agreement that if he is horny he will call me and jerk off over the phone to me while I talk dirty. I even sent him dirty pictures of me. He doesn't. He just tells me he doesn't feel like it. I cried about this the other day. He told me he hadn't cum in 11 days with me but I knew that he was doing porn every day. Sometimes four or five times a day. I pretty much begged him to cum over the phone to me. I didn't want him doing porn again that day. It just hurt so much. So what he did was put on pornstar Briana Banks getting done from behind hardcore and really moaning loudly and then called me telling me he was just thinking of me (with his computer on silent watching her) and then told me he wanted to come over at the weekend and bend me over and hear me moan like a slut - which of course I'm happy to do. I asked him if he was watching porn he said no. So I talked him through and he came. But I knew what he was doing. And it broke my heart again. I have never rejected him for sex but he regularly rejects me. I just don't know how much longer I can take this and I don't know what to do. It's really damaging my self-esteem. I want to be with a man who appreciates my high sex drive and then even if they are "too tired" to have sex I am willing to satisfy them in every way even if it's just watching them jerk off. I have no problems with anything that my boyfriend does but I have a problem with him lying to me and doing it behind my back. I just want to be a part of his sex life and I want to share his sexual experiences as I share my fantasies and all my sexual experiences with him. Does anyone else have any advice?
...............................
A
female
reader, thesexgurus  +, writes (11 August 2009):
guy point of view:
looks like your bf has an addiction. you should get him some help if he likes rubbing his dick more then sticking it in you.
girl point of view:
if you have no other choice, you could always ask him if you could watch it together and try some of the things that you see at the same time. it might make him easier to talk to about the subject and help him increase his sex drive towards you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): maybe its cause youre invading his privacy is the reason he gets soo pissed. i got a question for ya,HOW MUCH DO YA WEIGH?did you try watching a porn first before getting into bed,or heres an idea, put some porn on while the two of you are in bed.nothing wrong with building up your appetite before you eat!
...............................
A
male
reader, AScott  +, writes (10 August 2009):
One thing about men and their porn (which a lot of women don't understand) is that for a lot of men it's entertainment when bored. Men's preference with porn is usually related with their wildest sexual fantasies. Often us men do not wish to re-enact these fantasies but would rather just keep them at that. Some men like big girl porn, some men like gangbang porn but that doesn't mean that they want to be a part of that scene. Try and think of his use of porn as a form of escapism, like watching a soap opera! As for your snooping, if you are addicted to it, try and tell him that you've been tempted and that might make him wise up and delete his browser history. Then you won't have to read into his porn preferences. In some private situations, ignorance is bliss.
...............................
|
