A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody,I am currently heavily pregnant with my first baby, whose due in about 4 weeks, and I've been having a really rough pregnancy, despite all the usual complaints associated with having a baby, my dad's been in hospital recently, and my husband, to whom I've been married for just over a year isn't helping.He's at work all the time, he has a busy high-end office job and works lots of overtime, its as if he doesn't want to see me, he doesn't accompany me to scans, he only phones me during the day a couple of times a week, and when he does get home, I'm already in bed, and by the morning, he's gone when I wake. I know I've ballooned during this pregnancy, and my emotions and body have changed, but why is he being like this? He was so looking forward to having this baby at the start of it all, now at the end, its as if he doesn't want to know. I found out what we were having, a girl, with my mum holding my hand instead of him, and my brother has offered to put the crib together for the baby where he should be offering. He never has his phone on, and when he is at home he's either doing paperwork or too tired to do much else but watch TV...how do I make him realise that his baby girl is going to need as much, if not more, love, care and attention than his job?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): Hi, I don't have much time, but the title somehow spoke to me, so... just my thoughts really quick here: Please don't be mad at your husband. I, too, can feel for you how it is hard to go through all that stuff without him (good thing you have your family by your side), but judging from my second-hand experience (soon-to-be-dads I know personally) he's probably NOT avoiding you because you're less attractive now than some months ago or because he's not excited anymore to become a father. I can easily imagine he really, honestly thinks that working (and earning) as much as he can is the best way to support you right now. That just seems to be the way men think. Also, does his boss know he's going to be a father soon? I've heard of some who virtually exploited men in this situation, knowing they are now more dependant on keeping their job than ever and as a consequence they aren't as likely as others to protest. Besides that, you probably know how some men tend to need the feeling of having everything under control; maybe your husband is one of them? He's been watching you go through your rough pregnancy and knows he can't help you (in the sense of, actually change things, not just comfort you) and working a lot could be some kind of compensation because he is in control there. So, you should definitely talk to your husband about this, but please, please don't be mad at him before hearing him out! I hope you can understand my English, I don't have the time to double-check right now... I wish you all the best! :)
A
female
reader, crazylady  +, writes (12 September 2011):
I feel for you, I'm not prego but I have been married for 7 months and my husband has a very busy job always working, always on phone, we hardly do it cuz he's to tired n watches his tv.Obviously your gunna tell him its a girl, but the right moment will be hard considering all ur emotions you may just blow up on him when yoy tell him, try to avoid that! You have every right to be mad at him but he'll come back at you with, well I need to focus on work cuz now we have a girl and who's going to pay for the food, morgage, diapars, college, health insurance, etc, etc. So you'll def have a hard battle to fight without seeming crazy and selfish cuz you need attention.Talk to him, say how u feel but dnt pin point everything he's doing wrong,say how the times coming close and I need you more the n ever now, I've tryed to back off cuz I know your working hard providing for our family and you appreciate it, but it hurts to know you dnt ask how Dr visits go or how I am or just to c how I'm feeling, its our baby not just yours, he needs to be more considerite of ur feelings and help set up baby stuff cuz obviously u cant. If he cant handle you, a job n a baby that's coming he needs to figure out his priorities. Maybe he shouldnt of started a family if he wasnt going to give 100% cuz once u have a baby its all about the baby.
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