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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm very hurt. My boyfriend doesn't trust me. Well he's always been jealous and when we first started dating he kind of "warned" me about this trait. He even asked me not to talk about my past when I let some details accidentally slip. He's my first boyfriend.Well we fell in love, etc, we thought we were soulmates and everything. But well, one day he asked about my past. I knew that no matter how tame it was, this meant toruble. The first reaction was to lie. I did. But then I told him the truth, and granted, he now obsesses over the details of what I did, who I did I with, when, where, how, etc... it's been like a painful questioning when you're a suspect of some crime. There are no right answers, ever: I always tell the truth, but if it's something that's too "good" (like "I never kissed that guy") he doesn't believe me and gets mad because he thinks I'm lying again. If it's neutral ("He was tall, blonde") he gets angry because he feels inadequate. And if it's bad ("Yes, I liked him a lot") he freaks out and well... in any of the three scenarios he thinks I'm a whore, or judges me harshly, or accuses me of cheating, etc.He's vengeful. A couple of times he's gone behind my back doing things he knows will upset me, like talking to this girl who flirts with him like crazy (he used to have a HUGE crush on her), going to her house past midnight, etc.Now, I'm running for president of the student's council. When I was asked if I waned to I said yes without a doubt, as I knew I'd have support from my family and him. My family was great. He wasn't. He thinks I'll be around too many guys and that I'll cheat or something.He immediately told me, after I gave him the news, that he was going away for the weekend with his classmates then, for this optional project for a class. They're going somewhere up the mountain for some spiritual thing, and cell phones don't work there. He says he won't miss me and he's doing it to run away from me for a while. Now, I have refused to travel with my classmates because I know he'd freak out and he'd be all jealous and anxious since he doesn't trust me.I started asking him questions about this, and if his classmate (the flirty one) was going to be there. He said I was nagging again, and told me he was fed up with me.Last week we had a fight because he had her on MSN again. He said he wanted to talk to her again and didn't care if it upsets me. I had his password, and he has mine. He changed his, and I didn't. This bothers me because 1) I haven't changed mine, he's welcome to check out my emails anytime. 2) I stopped talking to former crushes, or even close friend who were non-crushes, just so he'd feel secure. I compromised. Why can't he?He says I nag too much. Now he says he has to think whether or not he wants to be with me. Frankly, I've thought about breaking up, but sadly, it's easier said than done because I love him too much and I just can't bring myself to do it.What should I do? I swear I love him tons, but I feel so neglected and like the least important person to him... well he is the most important to me! And I don't think I'm being that much of a witch! I know with these trust issues we should have parted ways a long time ago already, but I just can't I love him a lot. Also, my self esteem is ruined, I'd be just too devastated if it ended now.
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crush, fell in love, flirt, jealous, msn, self esteem, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 January 2009):
You can either wait for him to end it and he will, or you can do it yourself.
You said he likes to do things to hurt you and sooner or later he's going to realise that dumping you will hurt you and do you down further.
Dump him and cut contact. He is trying to do all these things to control you and he is NOT a good boyfriend. As soon as you go out with a decent guy, and trust me on this because I thought I'd never get over my first boyfriend, you will LAUGH at yourself for staying with this psycho of a boy for so long.
He's not making you happy so end it.
Good Luck!! xx
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