A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.I'm a 22 year old female, and life is beginning to get on top of me. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we live together, theres quite a large age gap he has his own company and works from home and I work in sales for a phone company.I dropped out of university where I was studying music but feel like this may have been a big mistake because I don't want to be stuck in my current job for the rest of my life.I was relatively happy this time last year, I was in a good band playing gigs twice a week with good prospects, I had been in the band for three years and am a good musician and professional band member. I carted the band all over the country for gigs, bought them cigarettes and beers when they couldnt afford it and never let them down.But this time last year they kicked me out the band....the only reason being that the singer had no where to live and the bass player from his previous band had a spare room and wanted to play in the band.I felt so let down, I put some much time and effort into this band and they just kicked me out.I've heard today that they have been approached my a high profile band from america who want to produce their first album and heading over to america to record it in august. This is such a blow, my life could have been so different.I still love music and record stuff with my boyfriend in our home studio but it isn't the same and I havent played a gig for over a year.My job is terrible and even though I have been exceeding my targets at work and am good at my job, my manager is never happy and makes me and the rest of the team feel stupid, she shouted and me and one of my colleagues last week because we hadn't picked up on a mistake she made almost three months ago, the other team member was on holiday at the time the mistake was made! I have never been called incompetent for someone else's mistake before and do not feel that it would have gone down well if had picked her up on it.The only social interation I have since I was kicked out of the band is with my boyfriend and work collegues, my best friend has moved away to london and because me and my boyfriend are saving for a holiday and house I don't feel that it would be fair to take a trip to london or even go out, with friends that are still in the area.What I really want to do with my life is music journalism but I have no time to pursue this, the last review I did was over a year ago and i seem to spend all of my time cooking cleaning and working.I love my boyfriend to bits but I am 22 years old opposed to his 42, I know that if things could go back to the way they were this time last year I would be happy but you can't change the past. Should I just accept that this is life I will be leading from now on?
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female
reader, juniper33  +, writes (25 November 2010):
I dont think you should accept it. you are young with no children,you need to follow your dreams, you will find that no man is worth giving up your dreams for, I know you love him, but you are the most important thing in your life, and if I had a chance to be 22 again, I would have followed my dreams and been so much more than I am now. PLEASE dont accpet this life, PLEASE go out and live your dreams,you have no idea the regret you will feel later on in life if you dont! you are so young!! enjoy your freedom and the fact that opportunity is just sitting there waiting for you, all you have to do is make a choice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou wish, thankyou for your reply it has really helped, things don't seem as bad this morning. You have definitely give me alot to think about. Thankyou.
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A
female
reader, kyrazy635  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Well if he really loves you, you sould go back to school and suppor you. Things happen like the age difference thing all the time because who cares if your in love. Some people would kill to be you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): No. Dont accept anything that isnt making you happy. You are a young woman and have your whole life ahead of you. Burying yourself in an unrewarding job and domesticity isnt suiting you. Go to London. Live a little or else beforecyou know it you will be in the mortgage/parent yoke and that will be the end of your deams. Im sure you love your partner now. But in the future, as you age, you will start to feel the age gap and resent settling so early. You are so young and have dreams and ambitions. Dont abandon them. My daughter is your age. Shes having fun, dating, travelling and working on her career. You should be doing the same x
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Aww man. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. I am a musician myself (keyboards), and it SUCKS when a band throws you under the bus after you put your heart and soul into it. It's just as bad as a romantic breakup or divorce on your life and self-esteem. Right now your heart is trying to heal itself.
The #1 thing to remember is - you are STILL a good musician. You're also 22 and in your prime. I also know from the band scene that for every band who is stupid and drops a member, there are 20 other bands who would drool over you. Go to craigslist and you can hook up with a TON of bands needing your instrument (and/or vocals). Being that you have experience gigging and practicing, you're a notch about the amateur hacks out there.
Your school and work are a separate issue. You have to decide your future when it comes to that, and again, you're young enough to. You could take night courses or online courses at night while you work by day. You will be miserable if you stay the way you are professionally. Artists aren't meant to be tied down to boring jobs. Take it from me!
Back to your boyfriend - are you sure he's the problem? It's human nature to want to shake up your entire life when you're not happy, but you might want to consider changing your work situation and your love for playing in bands before changing him...unless it truly IS him holding you back, telling you not to work, forcing you to do all the cooking and cleaning, and putting pressure on you to not pursue your music journalism passion.
Blame nobody but yourself for where you are at in life, and that's actually a liberating thing to get to, for it means you have the power to also move forward.
Hope this helps!
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