A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i just had our 5th child, when she was born my husband questioned that she was his and called me a c___ in the hospital, we have fought every since this, she is now 2 months old, he's thrown a girl that flirts with him at the bank in my face telling me how f... hot she is and gorgeous and he has never called me gorgeous, this compounded on top of an endless porn problem, i've tried to join him with the porn but he always watches it instead of me, i've tried endless things with him to try to stop him from looking at porn, it isn't just harmless, he rips out pages from the books to take to work with him and hides it everywhere and everytime i find it he promises he won't look at it anymore but 13 years later i still find it. i can't take it anymore but don't know what to do, should i try again or be done with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): I think you need to go to marriage counsellor. You havea lot of children so you have to to try. I would tryto get some help. Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): to the male who answered my question i appreciate your view, there wasn't enough space to write all of what was going on, after i came home from the hospital i went and bought a paternity test and he threw it away because the baby looked at him and he just knew she was his, but i'm just expected to forget everything that he said and move on, this isn't a subject that i bring up until we fight. as far as the porn as i said we've been married 13 years, the 1st time i caught him with it he told me to go "get ready" for him while he went to the bathroom and when i got tired of waiting for him i went to check on him and he was in the bathroom with a magazine jerking off, we have had awesome sex and as soon as i fall asleep he's on the computer masturbating not 20 minutes after we're done. as i said i've done everything he has ever asked me to in our sex life, i would find a movie and tell him if he wants to watch we'll watch it together so he wouldn't hide it from me but he would wind up with his eyes glued to the tv and never even look at me, we have tried swinging because that was one of his fantasies from the magazines so i agreed to it and after a few times i decided it just wasn't for me and told him that and he was upset and said i was only saying that because of what society thinks of it but still to this day if we are making love he starts talking about me with another man, it wouldn't matter if we did it 5 times a day he would still masturbate to the porn every chance he would get. if he gets angry about anything he masturbates. doesn't help the matter that i have a below zero self esteem but his porn just makes it worse because he always says that he loves people with my body type but everything he looks at is the exact opposite of me. like i said he doesn't just view occasionally it's always and ripping out pages to take to work with him, please. i could see if we had a crappy sex life or if he wasn't attracted to me but that isn't the case, it feels like his porn is more important than me because he can't leave it alone. it makes me feel like no matter what i try for him or do i can't satisfy him. when i told him i couldn't take the porn anymore he said he wanted a divorce so as i said i just don't know what to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): Well, so far as paternity of your daughter is concerned, there are blood etc tests to determine exactly this. Since your husband's so worked up other this, have your husband and daughter tested and set THAT matter firmly to rest.
Immediately after, find out *why* he was so certain his daughter wasn't his. Was there a possible affair, or appearance of an affair, that set him off? Once you have the paternity matter settled, I suggest couples counseling for the two of you; we here aren't nearly qualified for the kind of communications you two need to have.
You didn't directly mention the state of your sex life with him (although I can guess from the fighting etc that it's not been good for quite a while). Has the porn issue been ongoing throughout your marriage? If so, he *really* enjoys viewing, and that won't be going away anytime soon. Question is (and here's where it gets tricky due to the problems you two have been having), does he substitute porn for activity with you, or is the porn an addition to his activity with you? If he's involved with you as much as you'd want, then the porn doesn't matter. If he's actively substituting porn for being with you, then that's a problem - and I realize it's probably hard to sort that one out given your current situation.
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A
female
reader, Ms. X +, writes (21 September 2008):
 If it's been 13 years and he's still acting this way he is not very likely to change.... I can relate on the porn thing; my ex-boyfriend told me he didn't watch it but when I came across a large stash of it on accident I was devastated. He promised me he got rid of it but I found more later & that just hurt me even more... The way your husband talks to you and treats you isn't right, no man should treat a woman that way. If he doesn't show any initiative to change I would seriously consider leaving him and finding someone deserving because there are plenty of good guys out there. Don't keep hurting yourself by staying with someone that's going to do nothing but hurt you...
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