A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been in a relationship for 10 months now with somebody I really feel has real long term potential, and could very well be a life partner. Throughout our time together we have ironed out creases and overcome challenges, including us both coming to terms with the fact that she has ME and cannot function at all sometimes (she rarely makes it out of the house), yet there is something that still niggles with me.She had been chatting sporadically over Facebook for a few months before we met to an old friend of her brothers, and they had grown pretty close, which had included intimate sexual chat about themselves and casual sex chat about others. However, after she had met me and had told him that she wasn't comfortable with any chat of this nature, he didn't contact her for months. When they'd started to chat again he was asking for sexy pics 'of something he can't have', which she declined in a none confrontational way.Recently they have been chatting again (all on Facebook) and he has been pushing it a little by saying that I'm a 'lucky f***er' for being in a position to keep her warm when we go out and that I have her all to myself. I'm trying to step back and look at this as objectively as possible, but it does cut me up a little when I think of it. My girlfriend says that he is 'just like that' and means no harm, especially as he invited us both out for a meal after hearing that we are currently skint. But a part of me feels that he shouldn't be talking to my partner like that, that it shows disrespect. Also, I don't feel like my partner should be entertaining it for my sake, no matter how much she thinks of him platonically. I don't want her to be without friends, she has virtually none locally, and think she may be lonely, which is totally understandable. It's just that I think this friend might want her romantically or as a friend with (virtual) benefits. Thanks for reading :-) Kind RegardsPaul
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 February 2014):
 That is not a platonic friendship she has. It would be one thing if they were old friends and were chatting about platonic subjects, but his coming up and asking for for naked pictures, explicit sex talk, and talking about you in that way. Put it this way - would he and she be having that sort of conversation in front of you? Or, would she like it if you were talking to another girl like that, propositioning for naked pictures from her?
Him being "that way" is all the more reason for why the friendship is inappropriate. Her participating in the sex talk is nothing short of disloyal, and it's an emotional affair at best, and solicitation of lewd acts at worst.
If it were me, I'd put a stop to it. Tell her she better knock that crap off, or you're done with her. Honest, faithful people don't have conversations, or friends, like that when they're in a relationship, and they wouldn't WANT to do that either!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): Your feelings are on target. It is time for him to step away.
You are now both now both in an exclusive relationship. If he's making passes at your girlfriend, he isn't acknowledging the fact she has a boyfriend. Nor is she, if she allows it.
Don't come across controlling or demanding. You're supposed to be a loving and trusting boyfriend.
It is appropriate for you to let her know that he is now crossing the line; and as her boyfriend, you would appreciate that she break it off with him.
He doesn't know how to approach her without being sexually explicit. You are now exclusive and that means he should be out of the picture; because he's not going to stop unless she makes him.
As long as she allows him to come on to her; he'll continue.
He should be deleted and blocked from her feed on Facebook.
He means your relationship nothing good. If she won't do it,
there's more going on than just friendship.
...............................
|
