A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need advice. The ex rang and wanted to be with me sexually last night after avoiding me for an entire week..yes 7 days.. so I said no cos I wanted him to understand he can't just creep back into my life like that and expect me to go with him just cos he is lonely and wanting sex. He got the message. I am still sort of mad at him as he broke up by txt message. I spent the entire week trying not to have a breakdown and was in bits. I only start to feel semi-normal again and just as I do, he of course is trying it on.Today was annoyed and invited him 'for a coffee' but he told me he was already having one and to hurry up -was too annoyed so didn't bother and said perhaps later today I can have a coffee with you, he then says he has a prob with the gutter on his house and can't do later. So I got mad and wrote back..I won't meet you at all until u stop to throw me in the gutter! then he write backs with what needs to be done in the house, so I said fine go ahead, sounds genuine, but let me know when I am important enough for you to see again. To gain the advantage, he knows am looking for a new job as having a bad time too at work so he sent me a great job spec by txt to my phone. I said not bad thanks etc but left it at that, asked when I would be seeing him again. He writes, relax! see you soon if you are good to me, so I got pissed again and wrote back..if I am good to you, dont you mean the other way around..I then said am still sticking to what I told you in my previous message. The question is, should I get back with him..am trying to train him into not seeing me as merely a sex object. That is why the breakup happened.I want him but I don't want his bad treatment so feel I am walking on eggshells here. Any ideas? I just wish he would stop these games.. thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): Hey i know exactly what you are going through i am going through the same thing at the moment but this girl he slept with is now having his kid and so i pulled him up about it and just told him how i felt and things feel like there moving on more now, he's treating me like a girlfriend but as we all know if hes hurt us once he might do it again its the risk you take if its just silly things then its easy to overcome, maybe a no strings attached relationship is exactly what us women need in this day and age a little fun maybe if we see it like that then we won't get mad when he ignores us and dosent text back for a week i usually get the excuse i forgot makes me feel like im not even worth it or on his mind but he is being genuine lol hope this helps just thought i could relate in a way thanks for listening
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your thoughts - just to clarify. I am taking my time to decide whether to get back with him or not. Each time I am nice, he throws it back in my face and I get upset. Then when I am not nice, he is all nice and running after me. Fact is, both of us want to get back together - but we are both too stubborn to admit it. He is too scared to meet me to sort this out in a mature way that is why I am angry yet I want to get back with him cos I love him..and even though he drives me around the twist I just want him to see that I am not an easy target. When I say how I am just trying to train him dont get me wrong..I am not trying to change him for who he is - I am just trying to make him see that I am not his personal doormat..thanks!!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 This is just crazy. You have split up so why do you feel the need to see him again? When you break up with someone it is not normal to continue seeing your ex or keeping in touch constantly.
You need to decide what you want here - do you standby your decision to break up with him? Or do you want him back? If you think that he will never change then it is best just to move on, forget about him and cut contact with him.
But if you want him back then you need to realise you cannot "train" someone to be what you want them to be. You shouldnt try to change a person, you should love him for who he is. If you dont like certain aspects of him then you need to decide if you can live with those things or not.
I think you are both playing games here - you ask him for coffee yet you were annoyed with him....why do this? If you are annoyed with him then tell him, dont ask him for a coffee then not bother going. I think you need to be a bit more mature about this and learn to communicate better.
Meet up with him and talk face to face. Tell him you want to get back together but you are concerned that he is only with you for sex. Tell him you want the games to stop and for you to both decide if this relationship has a future or not.
You need to take charge of the situation here - there is no point waiting for him to suddenly turn into the man you want him to be. He is who he is, either love him for it or decide he is not right for you. Take control of the situation, communicate how you are feeling to him and if he still doesnt listen then you need to realise he will never give you what you need.
I hope this helps!
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